Lost (2001)
Empire!

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Empiiiire!

Team Pink. It's almost midnight, and they're still on the gritty, gritty Moscow streets. Some English-speaking Russian dudes tell them about cheaper hotel options. Does that sound good to Courtland? He can't decide. Joe chides him for being indecisive. Joe, fuck you. You are also not being decisive. Joe passively says, "You can never make up your mind. Does that make you want to quit?" How do you get from there to there? Courtland says "nothing makes [him] want to quit, but it does make [him] not want to play the game." Is that not the same thing? Okay then. Huge fucking "whatever" to these two ninnies. I guess Joe want to throw in the towel as well, since he doesn't have an argument. Oh, sorry, he "is choosing not to deal with it."

Okay, since NBC, at the half-hour mark, felt it necessary to provide a rundown, I'll recap it. Six strangers, dropped in the middle of nowhere, have to find their way back to the Statue of Liberty. Does everyone get it? Okay: the Blondes, "stuck in Siberia," are chilling in their luxury hotel room. Team Empire have landed in Hawaii; they're the first team to hit America. And Team Pink is in Moscow, totally dejected and -- oh wow -- quitting. Sarah Cawley, their camerawoman, says "it's an extreme game." Really? All they have to do is use their heads and know a little geography. Hey, NBC brass? Take me. Use me. I can do this shit easily. Seriously. I would so totally win. I don't even care about being on television. This shit looks easy. Lost makes Survivor -- or even Slut Boat, or whatever that dating ship show is -- look challenging. Joe and Courtland, shame on you. Sarah goes on to say that she doesn't think the members of Team Pink "understand that their time to be on national television is over, and that this will all be behind them, and all they will have is their memories. They let themselves get torn apart. And that's too bad." I'll bet they don't understand. Is this NBC's way of saying "no reunion show for these two"? Good move. We get a montage of Team Pink's "highlights," including some nice shots of Oleg the cab driver and the Russian party ladies. Aww. Goodbye.

The Blondes are "celebrating," even though they've been in Vladivostok for four days. It's Celeste's birthday. She and Tami hug.

Now in Hawaii, Calrissian negotiates with airline ticket agents, trying to get a flight "for all three of us" (hello, camera guy) to New York. No luck. Lando says he doesn't want to "wish things for other teammates," but he hopes they are having similar delays. If he only knew.

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Lost (2001)

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