Lost (2001)
Empire!

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Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Empiiiire!

Courtland laughs on the couch. His dad, who looks Laotian or Vietnamese or Cambodian or something, is straight-faced. Courtland laughs that it was "an awakening," and that we shouldn't judge him "until [we've] been in [his] boots." Too late for that, wuss.

So, the teams left playing are Blonde and Empire. Tami and Celeste "snooze on the Sea of Japan," while "waves of aggression" wash over Lando and Calrissian in Hawaii.

Time for a bikini sequence. Celeste does not know how to play the game. I know this because a Russian dude hits on her, and instead of hitting him up for cash or help moving forward, she shoots him down. She tells him she "[doesn't] want to be responsible for bringing another Russian into the world." Her fake boobs look huge.

After a few bitter hours, Lando and Calrissian make up. In front of the camera, he apologizes. She accepts his hug, looking sad. "I'm passionate about winning. We're an awesome team," he says. Aw.

Still boat-bonding, Celeste takes one of Tami's t-shirts and cuts it into an active-slut-wear halter top. Their camera guy says, "Niiiice." Then, Tami says she "hopes along the way" that Lando and Calrissian had delays similar to the ones the Blondes experienced. Niiiice.

Lando and Calrissian, waiting in the airport. They are still on standby. "We need a miracle." They're worried that they're going to lose their lead. Calrissian says that maybe winning this isn't just about the money, but "a life lesson. Maybe there's more to this than [brightening and smiling] a lot of money and a nice truck." Except that there isn't. There just isn't. Maybe other people on this show learned that they suck. Except for Calrissian. Calrissian is the only person who really tried in all this. Lando is lucky to have had her as a partner. We see a rainbow. Calrissian finds a charter pilot who wants to help out. Calrissian rules.

The Blondes limp along in Japan, woodenly accepting gifts from strangers, accepting another Northwest flight guy's "buddy pass," and make a sign saying "NBC's reality show LOST, we need flyer miles." Celeste sits, holding the sign. I am so not making this up.

Amazingly, people help. If the Blondes raise enough cash and get a direct flight, they could beat Team Empire. Dude, I will be so pissed if they win.

Charter Pilot guy helps out, giving them an NYC charm and letting them sleep in the concrete hangar. Calrissian still thinks they're going to win.

After a night in the Tokyo airport, Tami meets an American "gal who speaks ten languages." This gal panhandles "for" the Blondes. In English. We see the gal talking to, like, fifteen people in English, explaining everything, as the Blondes stand there stiffly. Gal? Shut up.

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Lost (2001)

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