Seizure-inducing credits. Maps and other blips finally arriving at the announcement, "Lost!" Indeed.

The echoed question " where are you-areyou-areyou?" echoes again, and we see the three teams of two standing around in the desert basin. They are...guess what? That's right. Unaware of what their present location might be and unsure of how to proceed to their desired destination. You know the word. Say it. Say it! LOST! Yes! Now you're cooking! The announcer declares that this, "Game One," will play out over three episodes. In Ohio, thirty-six hours ago, the contestants were dragged through an airport hangar, and body-searched. This intimidated everybody, the guys more than the girls. Heh. All personal communication items were removed so that they can't cheat with them. First aid kits, water, and "candy and coloring books for bartering" were distributed. Wow, are they going to be dropped off in a summer camp for ages six and under? What do you get in return when your bartering chip is a freaking coloring book? Some Play-Doh? Lincoln Logs? I mean, really. Then, they see a plane, which provokes an "incredible feeling." Maybe they expected to see a ship in the airplane hangar? Or a choo-choo? Shots of Lando, my boyfriend, grooving in his seat to tunes his Walkman provides is the best thing on this show so far. More nattering about the fact that everyone wants to win, and not lose, and to push themselves, and to seek adventure/test themselves/see other cultures blah bling blah reality game show televisioncakes. After eighteen hours on the plane, they deplane, and then replane for another four. Watches are not allowed. Everyone talks smack about Carla (and is it fair for us to have smack talk so early in, when we don't even know everyone's names yet? I thought not), who has to lie on her back for the helicopter ride because she needs back support. One blonde chick is pleased that Carla can't take it, because she can. B-roll of desert. The six people pair off and remove their blindfolds. That fucking echo asks "where are you?" again. Everyone stands around. Congratulations, NBC! You have now outdone MTV's Road Rules in useless repetition.