Lost (2001)
The First Lost

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Alex Richmond: C- | 1 USERS: A+
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The First Lost

The Pink Team calls in and is like, Czech Republic, baby! Nope. Sorry.

We see a map of the world, flat-style. The host booms out that Mongolia is in Asia, between Russia and China. It's six thousand miles from NYC if you head east, and over eight thousand miles if you head west through Europe. Either way, it's far.

Lando is struggling over whether to take the money from the jar. He ends up exchanging his American dollars for the Mongolian currency, and says a prayer in gratitude. Calrissian is like, Woo! Carla/Calrissian? Simmah.

The Pink Team is heading to some manmade structure toward which the motorcycle dudes pointed them. Harvey rasps that "all [he] has is [his] spirit, and [he's] trying to keep that alive." Is that so wrooong?

When we come back from the ads, Harvey does a little dancing and mincing inside a theater; he says he's not an athletic guy, and hates camping, and owns "40,000 kinds of moisturizing products." So, he may not be built for this game. But whatever. He's got good skin. Maybe he should be drinking some of the moisturizer to do something about that rasp in his voice. Courtland, passed out on his stomach, is oblivious that Harvey has emptied his pack of many of the goods provided him. Like, a bowl and a blanket and other stuff. Courtland wakes up and sees the big smile on Harvey's face. Ruh roh.

Everyone now has an idea of where they are, minus the Pink Team. Now, they need to get help from the Mongolian people. The Host booms that a third of Mongolians are nomadic herders and farmers. They live in mobile tents called "gers." The Empire goes inside one and makes nice with the Mongolians. Lando dazzles the children with un-blown-up balloons. Oooh, stretchy!

The Blondes find a man with a ger and snag him up fast. Hey, a good man with his own ger? Hard to find. He already has a family and two nice dogs, but whatever. They can be dealt with.

Lando teaches the Mongolian children to dance ("to the left, to the left, to the front, to the front, to the back, to the back"...he forgot to do the dip), while Calrissian haggles with a Mongolian woman (who speaks English! Damn, all other people are smarter and better educated than us Americans. We Americans? Shit.) about transportation to the capital. They need two motorcycles. How long will it take? A day.

The Pink Team is feeling low -- well, specifically Courtland Place is feeling low. He got depressed. Harvey says that between running his mouth and moisturizing, he noticed the change in Courtland. Then we get a million jump cuts of Courtland rubbing his eyes and saying "mmm" and putting his hand in front of his face and saying that this has been hard on him. Aww. Maybe you can call your other sister, Chrysler Building, and talk it out with her.

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Lost (2001)

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