Lost (2001)
The First Lost

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: C- | 1 USERS: A+
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The First Lost

Harvey leads the camera guy over to a ger and shows him "goat cheese! Straight from the actual goat! It's the cheese that's in my salad AWL the TIME!" Get over the cheese, dude. They have a ride to town, putting them in second place. They still don't know where they are. But they know from goat cheese.

The Blondes are still in the riverbed, with no water, no town, no clue, no idea that they're being left in the dust by the other teams.

Flashback to training camp a few weeks earlier. All products were provided by a major home supply store. The outward bound-esque trainer guy says that their "gut and intuition" will be the best tools they have. Ha ha ha! My gut feels queasy, and my intuition (along with the poll on the homepage this week) tells me no one cares about this show. Sigh. The Blondes scale a hill and see the first town. Sigh.

The Pink Team drive up and see The Blondes's backpacks. They cackle and pose for photos with the packs, then drive off, not waiting. Courtland kind of wants to wait, but Harvey talks him out of it. Duh, dude! It's a RACE. You are COMPETING. Harvey wants to have a little interview about this, but silences himself for Courtland's sake. Mmm hmm.

Lando and Calrissian, sitting in a town. They are three hundred miles from the capital. And soon, they have a ride in a bumpy van. Dude, they are kicking ass.

The Pink Team arrive in a place, find out they are in Mongolia, and learn that The Empire has already passed them by. They are bummed. And after an eighteen-mile hike, the Blondes are still drawing stick figures and trying to figure out the status of the other teams. Blondes, you are losing, bad. The best part is that the Mongolian woman is walking between two buildings talking to the Blonde and Pink teams, negotiating for rides with both of them. Hee! Way to go, indigenous people. You fool those stupid Americans! The Pink team offer four thousand Mongolian dollars for a ride to the town the Empire has already left. They hop in the van and blow right by the Blondes. The Blondes squeal and try to teach the hovering nearby Mongolian children the meaning of the word "bad." Hee.

Next time on Lost, a woman kicks a man in the head. Yes, it is disturbing. The whole damn city looks like a leper colony. Harvey says he wants to bring Courtland "to all the gay bars and bill him as a gay porn star."

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Lost (2001)

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