After a very fake moment in which Team Pink realize that they are at the same rest stop as the Blondes (Pink hides, then realizes they are busted, then jump out and hug and hug the Blondes and say "love you!" before hopping back in the van), we are finally (please?) at the present moment of the game. The Blondes' van pulls ahead, leaving Pink in third place. Courtland Place says that he's okay with that, and Joe is like, "Please be happy about being in first place?" Courtland says that he can't wait. And then, wham, Team Empire is on a train bound to Russia, totally in the lead. The Blondes make it into the capital, and grab a motel room, in second place. Joe, Courtland, "and their issues," says the announcer, are in third place. Okay.
Okay, the train? That Team Empire was on? Stopped running at the Mongolian border. No lead for Team Empire. They have to wait fifteen hours for the next train to Russia. You know another reason I hate this show? It sounds like a math problem. We have one of the worst shots ever seen on television (hello, tired camera guy) of a granite wall and a fraction of Lando's face, informing us that they are going to wait it out. This show sucks.
Somehow, Joe and Courtland Place have crashed in the Blondes' hotel room. They alll wake up, refreshed and "bonded." They sing Happy Birthday to Joe -- with Celeste chiming in that she's "yooounger than [he]" -- and all decide to go to Russia together. What is this, Communism? No, this is a game show. Play by the freaking rules. Some gentle shit-talking about Team Empire follows, with Joe saying, "It's the tortise and the hare now." Okay, the hare was faster, but stopped to rest and then lost because of the slow and steady tortoise. This is like Lost how? Are they talking about The Amazing Race?
The members of Team Empire are slap-happy, resting and killing time before their train. They giggle in their tiny beds, and don't show any sympathy for the camera guy, who has to sleep on the floor. He turns the camera on himself and shakes his head. Oh, camera guy. Kick yourself later. Kick the people in the beds now.
The Blondes and Team Pink are on the train. Tami looks at a bandanna signed by her family, and wipes her eyes with it. Then, Team Empire gets on board and learns that the other two teams are on the same train and that the race is all tied up. Team Empire is pissed. Then the members of Team Empire play cards and get their sense of humor back. Is this show canceled yet?