Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C | 5 USERS: C+
CJ Cregg Bested By Bai Ling

Jacob makes his way down a steep embankment until he reaches a creek -- perhaps the same one where his two mommies met, 43 years or so ago. He washes his face and hands, but cannot rid himself of the guilt -- especially not once he looks up to find his brother's body lying across the way. Jacob rushes to him, but Esau doesn't live there, anymore. Jacob untwists his brother's arm from a branch -- and crying, hugs the lifeless form.

Rape Caves: Jacob carries Esau's remains back home and lays him down in the back of the cave, on a natural rock shelf, then walks back to where his mother's corpse lies. He picks up the black and white Senet stones and places them in a pouch. This all leads to a flashback-forward-back. Remember, how in season 1, episode 6, "House of the Rising Sun" -- Charlie steps on the beehive? Locke tells him to stay still; Charlie fails; the bees go bonkers -- and this all happens in order to give Jack and Kate an excuse to rip off their shirts, after which they find the skeletons and Locke dubs them, "Our very own Adam and Eve." (Oh man, is that Jack and Kate's fate?) Yeah, well, the writers think we're stupid, so they show us the whole thing again, intercut with scenes of Jacob laying his dead mother next to his sorta-dead brother, closing their eyes, joining their hands, kissing the pouch of stones and tucking it in Esau's free hand. But Jack still had his chest hair back then, and Kate was still getting beauty make-up, so it's kind of nice to see. It's also kind of nice to see the characters we actually care about. But then it's bad, because it reinforces the fact that we just spent a fricking hour on relative newbies and now there are only 3.5 hours of the entire series left. Ever. ARRRRRRRRRRGH! Jacob's all choked up. "Goodbye, brother." Tears stream down his cheek. "Goodbye." Dun. Title Card. Bad Robot!

A Blurt; Rules of the Game: The rules of Senet have been LOST to the sands of time. Scholars have come up with pretty convincing arguments for playing this way or that. You can buy Senet boards today, and the rules accompanying it vary from producer to producer. Ever since the Mr. Eko days, whenever we've seen Esau in his Smoke Monster form, my mind has gone right to Job 1:7. "The LORD said to Satan, 'Where have you come from?' Satan answered the LORD, "From roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it'." Like a Smoke Monster. Pop culture has cheapened our collective understanding of Satan -- painting him as a pitchfork wielding cartoon red devil with horns and a tail. Depending on the source material though, he is -- although fallen -- the most beautiful of all the angels: the angel of light, as well as mankind's adversary/accuser. In Job, think of him as the prosecuting attorney -- putting Job's faith on trial. At first, although God allows Satan to test Job by destroying his property and family, he doesn't let him lay a finger on Job. Adolescent-Angst Esau: "We're people. Does that mean we can hurt each other?" CJ: "I've made it so you can never hurt each other." Finally, Satan convinces God to let him attack Job's body. God allows it, but he has one rule for the Accuser: You can't kill him. Teen-Angst Esau: "What's dead?" CJ: "Something you will never have to worry about." The fellas are playing CJ's game until Esau plunges the dagger deep into her. Had she but spoken, it would have been too late. Once Jacob sends Esau down into ye olde tunnel of love, Jacob ascends; he claims his birthright: Gamemaster. But although it seems he must abide by his predecessor's rulings, he can -- as Adolescent-Angst Esau promised long ago and far away -- create rules of his own. CJ once told Jacob he had no choice. Jacob now staunchly insists on letting people choose for themselves.

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