Lost
Lost

Episode Report Card
1155 USERS: C+
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Hey! Kate! I got a new complaint!

Kate's on the beach, playing with that toy plane that she killed a bunch of bank-robbing idiots to get, and if you were to ask yourself, "Who am I not in the mood to be annoyed by right now?" the answer would likely be Charlie, so that means you're out of luck, because he yells "platinum" from behind Kate, and he strolls up, unfortunately with his guitar strapped on, and he sits down and says he figures that Driveshaft's album sales probably spiked big time when everyone found out that he likely died in a catastrophic plane crash. He's so deluded. Is that really the reaction when someone from a one-hit wonder dies? Like, would you rush out looking for a Dexy's Midnight Runners album if that guy died in a plane crash? I'm guessing no. But Kate just indulges Charlie's fantasy of how insane it's going to be when he comes back. She takes this to mean he believes the raft will be successful. "Of course it'll work! Take a look at that thing! It's not a raft. They built a sodding boat!" says Charlie. And he blathers on about the rafters being picked up, then the helicopters coming, making them "eternally and ridiculously famous." In a surprising twist, Kate looks conflicted, which Charlie takes to mean that she doesn't want to be famous, and I guess Charlie's lone brain cell is completely preoccupied with plucking away on the guitar.

A commotion's brewing over at the raft, however, with some guy -- whom we haven't seen before, I don't think -- shouting at Mercutio. He's an older guy, kind of portly, and he looks dead familiar but I can't place him, so he's a Hey! It's That Guy!, but one in which I actually can't place, so I'm just going to say he was on Law & Order, or NYPD Blue, because, odds are. ["He was also one of Sam 'Tommy Lee Jones' Gerard's Deputy Marshals in the movie version of The Fugitive. The one who explains 'hinky,' towards the end." -- Sars]

Anyway, he's sarcastically saying that the rafters could wait three or four weeks before launching. "I was just assuming you didn't want to die," he says. Mercutio asks when would be a good time to launch, and this guy says three or four months. "Come on, even the weatherman on TV don't know what's gonna happen. Why are we listening to Art?" says Sawyer, in one of the more contrived information-conveying lines I've ever heard from the mouth of a character not nicknamed Potato Face. "Because I'm a doctor, and you're a hillbilly," says Ol' Buddy Art, making the most of the one episode he'll actually get lines in. "You're a damn high school science teacher," says Sawyer, like it's funny we've never heard of "Art" here before, even though as a man of science he probably would have proven himself useful before now. Jack says to let Art speak, and he says that it's been raining every afternoon (also news to us), which means it's the beginning of monsoon season. As he speaks, Sun strolls up so she and Jin can shoot painful looks at each other. "Monsoon season is bad," says Art helpfully. Then he says that right now the trade winds are blowing north, which is where the shipping lanes are, which is where they'll have a good shot at getting picked up. "When the monsoon season hits, the trade winds are going to shift to the south. The raft goes with the wind," he says. And in a line that nicely sounds exactly like something a high school teacher might say, he asks, "Can anyone tell me what is the only piece of land that's south of us?" Jack says it's Antarctica, which gets him a big ol' gold star. Mercutio asks when they should leave, then. "Yesterday," says Art, and he strolls off, and why nobody asks him why their ol' pal Art couldn't have mentioned this to them a LONG time ago is completely beyond me.

Lost

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