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Monks Gone Wild!

The boys are off on their camping trip. Apparently, the theme song from the Bridge Over the River Kwai is the great unifying force in the universe because this polyglot scout troop is whistling it as they walk down the beach. Can you get merit badges in whistling? The tune comes to an abrupt halt when Hurley announces that they are at the wire. Desmond gets panicky when he doesn't see it, but Jin rummages around in the sand for about a half a second and comes up with it. Hurley now decides to mention that the last time he tried to follow this wire into the jungle he almost got kabobed by one of Rousseau's traps. This mention of kabobing brings yet another vision of Charlie getting rotisseried. Don't forget to set the timer so we know when he's done! Desmond doesn't want to go into the jungle just yet. He wants to camp until the light matches up to his freakin' acid trip, I mean, vision.

Back in the brotherhood, the monks are packing cases of wine. The Main Monk reminds Desmond that he is free to talk, but Desmond says that he is used to being quiet and then launches into an argumentative diatribe about the name of the wine bottled by the monks (Moriah) and how it is, in short, lousy branding. The Main Monk is totally regretting that he told Desmond he should talk more. They argue out ideological differences in their interpretations of the Abraham/Isaac sacrifice story until the Main Monk announces that perhaps Desmond underestimates the power of sacrifice, and doesn't he have a corpus to mortify? A monk interrupts the debate because there was a man at the gate who wanted to have a word with Brother Desmond. The man pushes past the monk and punches Desmond right in the nose, proving that God can be swift in meting out justice to those who argue with his followers. Desmond apologizes to the monk as the man crosses himself and runs off. The monks look confused as Desmond bleeds all over the merchandise.

Kate is sitting on the table in the kitchen (such reckless behavior for a girl in a nude underwire bra!) when Jack comes over. She recommends the oatmeal. As he mucks about in the canteen, Kate explains that she is lost without a cage to escape from, an adventure to head out on, a person to rescue, or an excuse to go running into the jungle. She doesn't know what to do with herself. Jack basically ignores her and says that she should enjoy it because something is bound to go wrong sooner or later. She ignores his ignoring and says her adventure for the evening is that she is going to wash her dishes. In the ocean! Jack tells her to be careful and then asks for her spoon. She sanitarily washes it off in her mouth and hands it to Jack. He thanks her for it and without washing the spoon, walks off to eat with Juliet. As Kate gathers up her dishes, she glances over and sees Juliet and Jack EATING TOGETHER. She realizes that she and Jack are, like, totally broken up. She looks shocked and hurt. I totally understand this feeling, because in second grade, my supposed best friend Heather played My Little Pony during recess with that bitch Kara instead of me. When I saw that, I knew we were SO not BFF anymore. It hurt. Kate barges into Sawyer's tent, tells him not to talk, and then proceeds to tears his clothes off and mount him in a style most unbecoming a lady. Sawyer asks if she is crying and she tells him not to talk. It's easy not to talk when someone has her tongue down your throat!

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