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Monks Gone Wild!

Speaking of God, Brother Desmond and his busted nose knock at a door. Said door is opened by the man who socked him one on behalf of God. The guy tells him to leave, but is quickly pushed aside by a young woman who tells him he is not helping. Desmond weakly smiles and says, "Hello Ruth." Ruth and Desmond sit on opposite sides of the living room uncomfortably sipping tea. Ruth says she hears Desmond is a monk now. He explains that he is technically still a novice, she interrupts to explain that she really doesn't care but would like to know why he is there. He thought he owed her an explanation. She says that he couldn't begin to explain because he left one week before the wedding. Everything was planned, bought, and paid for. He interrupts to explain that he had a calling. That's funny, in this country they call it cold feet. She smirks because they had dated for six years and the closest he came to a religious experience was Celtic winning the cup. (What you thought it was something else?) Desmond recounts a drunken evening with a monk who had a rope tied around his waist. (Whoa, Catholic porn is way out of my league.) When he woke up in the gutter, he knew he was supposed to leave everything that mattered behind, sacrifice all of it, for a greater calling. Ruth is not impressed. "It's a good thing a bloody shepherd didn't help you up, you'd be off with the sheep." Now sheep porn, that I can handle. I am from Oregon after all. Ruth tells him that the next time he wants to break up with someone he shouldn't join a monastery, but just tell the girl you're too bloody scared. Um, Ruth? I see you have a cross on your wall there, but I'm getting the impression you're a little fuzzy on the whole monk thing. You see, I don't know what you and your monks do, but generally monks don't break up with girls. 'Cause, you know, they're monks.

Juliet is pounding her lean-to together while Jack makes himself blush by asking if she is a doctor or a carpenter. Ugh. Learn to flirt, you morons! Maybe the helicopter pilot is actually expert help come to save us all from these incompetent chuckleheads with their baffling attempted flirting. Juliet laughs and says, "What, your dad didn't teach you how to swing a hammer?" Jack continues his awkward streak by over-sharing that his dad taught him how to drink. Juliet sort of "ha ha"s at this admission of way too personal information and says that at least it's something. Sawyer puts this conversation out of its misery by asking, "You two arguing over who is your favorite Other?" Heh. Sawyer tells Jack that there have been some developments on the Island since he went AWOL. Then he challenges Jack to whip it out and measure it. On the ping-pong table! The boys banter while they backhand. Jack asks where the table came from, and Sawyer says it came from the Hatch and if they don't play every 108 minutes the whole Island will explode. Hee-lar-ious! Jack whiffs a ball, and Sawyer is happy that he has finally found something he can beat him at. Jack won't let that slide and says that, since he hasn't played since he was 12, Sawyer shouldn't be too proud. Sawyer suggests that it must be weird being back. Jack says Kate said the same thing in the kitchen last night. Sawyer looks thoughtful while he puts two and two together. He asks if Kate and Jack ate together. Dude, you're getting laid when no one else on this crappy Island is, can you just shut up and enjoy it? When Jack explains that he ate with Juliet, Sawyer feels good enough about things to keep playing games. With Jack. Well, probably with Kate, too, but I can't bring myself to think about it.

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