The jungle. Sawyer, hiking back from his swim, hears a rustling in the underbrush. He rushes forward to find Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity digging in his buried suitcases. Wow, I was wrong. It turns out hoarding is a full-time job! "What are you doing in my stuff, son?" Sawyer asks.

"This is going to hurt," Jack says to Sayid in one of this show's patented Overlapping Meaningful Dialogue moments. He's putting peroxide on Sayid's arm. Sayid expositions re: his attack last week; whoever hit him also destroyed the transceiver and Sayid's radio equipment. "I will do what I need to do to find the man responsible," Sayid says. They're interrupted by Shannon hauling a well-tenderized Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity into the campsite. Jack does some more indeterminate medical-type things as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity reveals that Sawyer beat the crap out of him. Incidentally, I've gotten several emails asking me to stop referring to this character as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. Wrote one reader, Goofy McTwatTwat:

Hey Mr. Kwa. Can you please cut back on writing "God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity" every time you write "Boone"? I think it's pretty funny, but it would be funnier just one time in a recap. Over and over again gets laborious.

Just my two cents.

No dice, Goofy McTwatTwat! I don't refer to Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity because it's funny. I refer to Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity as Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity because that is the man's proper and full name. So it would be rude of me to shorten that full name, just as it would be rude of me to shorten your full name, Goofy McTwatTwat. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity he remains.

Commercials! In eight days, Prince Harry speaks on Primetime Live! On the way to London last week, I picked up a copy of People to read all about William, the Good Prince, and Harry, the Bad Prince. Is it just me, or does Harry seem about a million times funner than William? William, as far as I can tell, is just a British John Elway, in looks and in pretty-boy aura. If he wasn't a prince he'd end up selling used cars. But Harry is the kind of kid you want to hang out with in your gap year, punching photographers, drinking to excess in Ibiza, shagging tarts. London was fun, by the way. The highlight by far was the Premiere League football match we attended, between Tottenham Hotspur and Charlton. Those Tottenham fans sure like to call people names! Early in the match, a guy sitting right behind us yelled at Tottenham striker Fredi Kanoute, "Fucking win it, you lanky wanker!" For the rest of the trip, about three times a day my mom would, apropos of nothing, mutter "lanky wanker!" and giggle to herself.