Chez Sawyer. Señor O'McNicknamenstein wakes up to see Sayid looming over him. "Good morning," Sayid says, then clocks him. Jack and Sayid haul Sawyer out of the tent while Kate looks on, harshing their mellow with her negativity. Man, Kate Beckinsale: you need to relax!

Sawyer, tied to a tree in the jungle, is revived with a splash of water. He's got blood all over the side of his face. Great, I get to recap a torture scene. I feel like poor Gustave. Jack crouches down and tells Sawyer that all they want is the asthma medicine. "It doesn't have to be this way," Jack says, nodding at Sayid, who's sharpening some bamboo. "Yeah it does," says Sawyer. Sayid approaches and gives a little setup vis-à-vis bamboo shoots under the fingernails. Sawyer tells him he thinks he's never tortured anyone in his life. "Unfortunately for us both, you're wrong," says Sayid. Okay, here's how it goes down: Sawyer grunts in pain. Sawyer taunts Sayid. Sawyer coins a new nickname ("Splinters"). Sawyer screams in pain. Sawyer screams some more. Jack stops Sayid. Sawyer taunts them some more. Jack, my attractive lawyer wife, and I all say simultaneously, "What the hell is wrong with you?" Sayid whips out the knife and threatens Sawyer's eye. He gives up and says he'll tell, but only to Kate.

All you people who posted how hott this was on the boards, gleefully discussing the HoYay in this protracted torture scene: Stop. Please. I'm begging you.

Flashback. Sawyer's in a bar talking to some kind of money-man type, apparently the guy who fronted him his half of the "oil money." This guy is upset by Sawyer's take-the-money-for-a-night tactic, rightfully wondering how Sawyer could be so stupid. At first, I too wondered how he could be so stupid -- not how he could be so stupid as to give the money overnight to Richard Kind, but how he could be so stupid to tell this guy all about it. But I was reminded over the course of this scene that Sawyer is definitely the kind of guy who wants to tell everyone how clever he is, so at least that makes a little bit of sense. "Women are easy," Sawyer says. "A few cocktails, a couple of stunts they hadn't seen between the sheets, and they think the scam's their idea." Husbands are tougher, he adds. Money Man asks, in a nicely tuned line of dialogue, "If you got your grift so pat, what'd you need my money for? Where's your seed from the last couple you wrote?" Sawyer replies, "I like earning it as much as I like spending it." For maximum value in that sentence, "earning it" and "spending it" should have been switched. Sawyer looks immensely pleased with himself until Money Man sticks his pool cue (not a euphemism) into Sawyer's chin and tells him he wants his money, plus 50 percent, tomorrow at noon, or else he'll make Sawyer suffer. Can Money Man do that? Money Man can, Money Money Man can.