Confidence Man

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B- | Grade It Now!
Just Because My Words Were Lies (Doesn't Mean My Love Weren't True)

Jack's tending to Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity, who admits he was rummaging through Sawyer's stuff looking for Shannon's asthma medicine. "She's been embarrassed by [using an inhaler] since she was a kid," Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity says. "I guess breathing's not cool." Ha! Shannon joins the illustrious company of Milhouse Van Houten as famous characters whose inhalers become a major issue when stuck on deserted islands. He says that he'd packed four refills for her inhaler in his bag, and though he'd thought the bag lost, seeing Sawyer reading Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity's copy of Watership Down made him think Sawyer had found the bag. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity was the one who packed Watership Down? Is he, perhaps, in eleventh grade?

Chez Sawyer. Jack interrupts Sawyer's mysterious letter-reading to look for the inhalers. C'mon, Sawyer, give up the inhalers! Shannon needs them to live! They argue about who has a right to what stuff, et cetera, Sawyer calling the cave-dwellers "commies," accurately calling Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity a "thief," and declaring that on the beach, "possession is nine-tenths." Just as Jack seems about ready to pick a fight, Kate shows up, asking what's going on, and Jack stalks away. Kate is like a frigging ten-year-old, popping up into every discussion, demanding to know what's going on. She behaves as though she's at Six Flags with a bunch of friends and is afraid she's gonna get ditched. Maybe this happened one time when she was a kid at some British amusement park with her sister. Sawyer travels back in time through the magic of the human hippocampus.

The hotel room. Sawyer "explains" the "business" "deal" that requires all that cash, some hoo-hah about oil platforms and whatnot. The upshot is that he says he's meeting an investor from Toronto who's going in (roughly) halfsies with Sawyer on a $300,000 investment. Maria Bello tells Sawyer there's another option. (The actress here does a good job of showing how crafty the character thinks she's being.) She could supply the moolah instead. "Yeah, and where are you gonna get $160,000?" Sawyer asks, knotting his necktie. "My husband," Maria Bello replies.

"I'm gonna kill him," says Jack. He's pacing Midsection Beach with Kate, fuming about Sawyer's selfishness. But he won't actually kill him, of course, because they're "not savages. Not yet." Kate offers to talk to him, wryly noting, "He says we have a connection." "Do you?" Jack asks. "Please," replies Kate.

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