Confidence Man

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B- | Grade It Now!
Just Because My Words Were Lies (Doesn't Mean My Love Weren't True)

Sawyer's choppin' broccoleh! Er, logs. Kate approaches and asks him what he wants for the inhalers. He says "a kiss ought to do it." Kate tries to call him on his boshit: "You try too hard, Sawyer. I ask you to help a woman who can't breathe, and you want me to kiss you? Nobody's that disgusting." Sawyer doesn't respond, so Kate tries another tack, telling him she's seen him reading that mystery letter of his. "You can play games all you want, but I know there's a human being in there somewhere." She asks again for Shannon's meds and says she understands Sawyer. Sawyer tells her to shut up and angrily approaches, axe in hand; it probably wasn't too hard for Evangeline Lilly to look a little bit scared here. He holds out the letter and says, "You wanna know what kind of human being I am?" He shoves the letter into her hand. "Read it!" he says. Then, hilariously, adds, "Out loud." Oh, television. How I love/hate thee. Kate Beckinsale deploys her Oxford-trained pipes and reads the letter; it's from a boy whose parents were conned by Sawyer. As a result, the husband killed the wife and then himself, if the kid ever meets Sawyer, he'll give him the letter, et cetera. Sawyer takes back the letter and says, "Now, about that kiss?" He stares at Kate for a long moment, then stalks away, saying, "I didn't think so."

Oh, dear. I guess my pleas that at least a few of the characters not have haunted secrets in their pasts have gone unheeded. It's reaching the point where the eventual answer to the whole Lost mystery had better be something that explains why only fucking crazy people survived the crash, and normal vacationers all croaked.

Commercials. ABC showed Saving Private Ryan uncut for Veteran's Day. Oh, unless your local ABC affiliate opted out because of the very real possibility that the newly-fascist FCC might ding them for a quarter-million-dollar fine. Sorry, viewers in Boston, Atlanta, Dallas, Detroit and 61 other markets! Sorry the government has to baby-sit your asses!

Sayid approaches Locke, who's carving a spear with one of his 400 knives. Hey, I bet the election would have been closer if, instead of deploying 10,000 lawyers to battleground states, the Kerry campaign had deployed 400 knives. Sayid asks Locke where he was the night before; Locke says the only witness to his whereabouts was the boar he was skinning. Locke then takes a shot at pinning the blame for Sayid's attack on Sawyer, while also making clear that he doesn't actually know what Sayid was trying to do the previous evening. Sayid says Sawyer couldn't have attacked him, because he set off the bottle rockets right on time. "Unless he found a way to time-delay the fuse on his rocket," Locke blithers. "Anyone who watches television knows how to improvise a slow fuse," he adds. I have a number of responses to this:

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