Lost
Confidence Man

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B- | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Just Because My Words Were Lies (Doesn't Mean My Love Weren't True)

"He doesn't have it," Kate growls to the waiting Goon Squad. Sayid gets pissed off and convinces himself that Sawyer destroyed the transceiver. He takes off through the Jungle of Mystery, knife in hand, Jack and Kate right behind trying to calm him down. Sawyer works his hands free as Sayid arrives and launches into him; the two roll around a bit until Sawyer gets stabbed in the shoulder. A scared-looking Sayid jumps off Sawyer; when Jack pulls the knife out, a gout of blood sprays up and hits Kate in the face. "You hit an artery," Jack says, working to stop the bleeding. He yells at Sayid to get his medical bag. Ah, the first mistake of an inexperienced torturer: always keep your materials close at hand. Were Jack a dentist, he never would have made that mistake. Sayid runs off.

Commercials. It seems as though Advil, by running these ads featuring Kristine Sutherland during a genre show, are basically saying, "Joyce Summers wants you to use our product."

Camp Crystal Spring. Sayid rushes in and finds Jack's backpack. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity asks him whose blood is all over his shirt, and Sayid tells him it's Sawyer's. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity's about to follow Sayid for the shakedown until a frightened Shannon asks him to stay. He does. As Sayid runs out of camp, he passes Mercutio, who looks askance at the bloody dude rushing away but seems basically unperturbed. Mercutio finds Sun and hurriedly asks her if the branches he'd holding are the right ones. She smiles and says they are. Suddenly Jin shows up, waving his arms and talking that dang gobbledygook he talks all the time. According to my friend Denny, who speaks gobbledygook, he's saying, "Are these the plants for the mentholated erotic body cream I love so much? Ah, [Mercutio], join us in our slippery, sinus-clearing dalliance!" Sun, rather than, like, explaining to her husband that these plants might help save Shannon's life, just walks away, wisely leaving two people who don't speak the same language and who previously got into a fistfight to work it out themselves. Mercutio cuts off Jin with, "Don't, just don't," and stalks away.

The Jungle of Mystery. Jack's applying pressure to Sawyer's wound while Sawyer says a number of rude things, including: telling Jack he knows Jack wants to let him die; reminding Kate they "made out"; and telling Jack that if the tables were turned, he'd watch him bleed to death. Why don't they gag him now, while they have the chance?

Flashback. Sawyer's closing the deal with Maria Bello and Richard Kind. Sawyer assures them they'll get their money back, tripled, in a week. "You're not gonna skip town, are you?" Richard Kind asks in that jokey way you do when you're not joking at all. Maria Bello chides him: "[Richard Kind], he left his money with us! We could've skipped town!" Yup, Sawyer was right: women are stupid. This woman is so stupid, apparently, that in all her time working with Sawyer at the car dealership, and getting her vagina nicknamed by him in hotel rooms, she never once mentioned her son. I say this because Sawyer sure looks surprised when the kid shows up in the middle of the deal, asking his mom if she'll read to him. Sawyer looks sad and pensive. The kid looks weirdly possessed -- either he has really deep-set eyes or they shot him without eye-light, because he just looks evil. "Deal's off," Sawyer says, because deep in his heart he's a Complicated Guy, Sweet Cheeks. In the ensuing argument, Maria Bello manages to make it clear to her husband that she was spending quality time with Li'l Sawyer, and Sawyer drops Richard Kind's cash on the floor and tears out the door. I guess he got in trouble with the Money Man, huh?

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Lost

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