Locke drives a cherry-red Volkswagen Beetle, which seems...off, somehow. He pulls up to the security gates of a massive house nestled in nature's splendor, and tells the guard there that he's Anthony Cooper's son. "Mr. Cooper doesn't have a son," says the guard. "Tell him I don't want anything," says Locke. Yeah, that's a line that surely lets all the strangers into the rich man's house. "My mother's Emily Locke," Locke tells the guard, adding, "please." The guard tells him to wait a minute, and gets on the phone, telling "Mr. Cooper" that a John Locke is there to see him. "He says he's your son," says the guard, who doesn't say anything about Emily Locke. "Yes sir," says the guard right away, who tells Locke he can go right up. Wow, Mr. Cooper sure took this surprising news well, didn't he? And quickly! Not suspicious at all!
Locke looks around the living room, featuring pictures of a man with a Hemingway complex. In walks Mr. Cooper himself, played by Kevin Tighe, a Hey! It's That Guy if I ever saw one. "Well, this is awkward," he says. Locke thanks Cooper for seeing him, then introduces himself. "Something tells me I'm going to need a drink for this," says Cooper. I like him already. He offers Scotch to Locke, who accepts. Cooper asks if Locke found his mother, or if it was the other way around, and Locke tells him. "How did she look?" asks Cooper, like that's the first thing this guy thinks to ask his long-lost son, how gross is that? Locke says she looked all right, he guesses, because it's not like he's got any basis of comparison. Cooper asks if Swoosie said anything about him, and Locke tells him about the "immaculate conception" thing, which cracks Cooper right up. "Well, I guess that makes me God, huh?" he says. Well, it makes you the father of Mary, mother of God, but since most people make that mistake, I figure Cooper would too. Doesn't mean the Lost writers don't know what the Immaculate Conception actually refers to.
Cooper says he didn't even know Locke existed until a year after he was born. Then Emily dropped off the face of the earth, until she resurfaced asking for money, saying she'd given John up for adoption. "You gonna drink that or what?" says Cooper suddenly, referring to Locke's Scotch. Locke obligingly gets to work on it. Cooper asks if Locke has a family of his own, and Locke answers in the negative. Cooper says, "Me neither," and adds that he tried a couple of times, but "it didn't take," which is quite the cavalier thing to say to the boy you fathered who grew up in foster homes because you preferred scuba diving, hunting, and drinking. I mean, this really ought to be Locke's cue to get the hell out right there. Cooper asks if Locke hunts. Locke says no, which makes Cooper worried that Locke's one of those "animal-rights nutjobs," which I guess to a guy like Cooper is everyone who isn't actually in the middle of killing animals or planning the next trip to kill animals. Then he invites Locke hunting, which I guess we could have seen coming.