For some reason -- most likely Jack's makeshift operating room -- this episode reminded me of one of those episodes of M*A*S*H where Radar or Klinger writes a letter home that details the wacky goings-on in the 4077th. We pick up right after last week, with Jack performing emergency surgery on Boone, God's Bloody Gift to Humanity. As many predicted, there is no sign of Locke or the hatch this week, but at least that's actually a plot point, since Locke lied about what happened to Boone, and when a dying Boone spits out what actually happened, Jack's pissed. He goes to extraordinary lengths to try to save Boone, because he's Dr. Committed, or some such, which we're supposed to get by watching flashbacks in which he marries a woman he saved after a car wreck, even though he's not sure he loves her. Are we supposed to think he's dedicated, or an idiot? Jack's preparing to amputate Boone's leg, much to Sun's horror, when Boone asks Jack to let him go, which he finally does. And then Mel Gibson shows up, calling it "island-sanctioned murder," and also that he's going to make a film about it. Jack apparently agrees with Mel, as he sets out to find Locke, whom Jack blames for Boone's death.
Elsewhere, Claire goes into labour, and because Jack is preoccupied with working on Boone, it's up to Kate and Charlie to deliver the baby, like NO WONDER Claire was doing everything she could to keep the baby up in there. But everything works out okay, and Claire delivers a healthy six-week-old baby boy. I suspected she was overdue, but damn.
We pick up right where we left off last time, just after Jack was screaming for Locke, who vanished right after depositing Boone in Dr. Jack's Emergency Cave. So there's lots of yelling, like we're going for some ER-type medical-show sense of urgency here, which doesn't quite work, since they're in a cave, after all, and people are asking what happened, and someone says Boone fell off a cliff, and Hurley says, "Thought he was with Locke," whatever that means, like being with Locke somehow means it's impossible to fall off a cliff. And they're doing some hand-held camera work that's making me a little seasick. Jack and the other lostaways get Boone onto a makeshift operating table, and Jack yells at Sun to get some scissors, and we see he's turned the airplane's drink cart into a medical equipment...thingy that holds medical equipment. He has to bark at her a second time to get them. He orders Hurley to get one of the first-class seats and some sort of mesh, because they're going to have to try to create some sort of sterile environment, which would be quite the achievement. Hurley looks rather queasy, and Jack yells at him, something about the inadvisability of fainting in this situation. Hurley says he won't, and he takes off, but not without a "lord almighty." You know it's serious when Hurley doesn't say "dude." Jack tells Kate to get down to the beach and ransack Sawyer's stuff and get all the alcohol he has, rubbing, Scotch, like any excuse for a drink for Jack. Boone starts gurgling, as you do when your lung collapses. And we all know what that means, right? Intubation! Jack jams a tube right into Boone's chest, everyone looking on in abject fear. Boone's breathing gets back to a little more normal. Jack has to yell at Kate to get her to get moving, which means that Kate, Sun, and Hurley are a perfect three-for-three in the Useless Assistants department. Jack goes back to working on Boone.
And he flashes back to tying a bowtie on a tuxedo-clad redhead, who some of you might recognize from some show called Titus. Those of you who do should be very, very ashamed of yourselves. The relative merits of clip-on ties versus the kind that adults wear are discussed. "You nervous, Silverman?" asks Jack, and Silverman apparently needs to make a speech, but doesn't like getting up in front of crowds. Silverman says he'll be fine after about eight beers, and Jack says, "She'll bust you, man," like how nice that he shirks the responsibility of making sure his alcoholic friend doesn't make a drunken ass of himself at the (obvious) wedding, and makes his fiancée out to be the bad guy. Jack says Silverman can still back out if he wants to. Silverman actually seems to consider this before saying that it's just a stupid speech. "I'll make you proud," he says. The tailor comes in, saying that now it's the groom's turn. Silverman jokes that Jack can still back out if he wants to, and all I can say is thank god my friends knew better than to act like marriage is some sort of prison sentence.
Jack, back in the present, examines Boone's leg. "It's a closed fracture. We're going to have to set it." Sun asks if he'll be able to sew the wound on Boone's chest. Jack has a look and says Boone's lost a lot of blood, and wonders how far Locke had to carry him. Jack takes a semi-conscious Boone's head in his hands. "You are not going to die," he says. "I am going to save you." Right here, we pretty much know Boone's toast. Commercials.