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Locke and Load

Back on the beach, the Losties have nominated Hurley as their one ping-pong chance to free themselves at last from the harsh rule of Sawyer's name-calling ways. Sawyer calls him "Grimace." That's it, Sawyer, get inside his head! Make him feel bad about himself! Ping-pong is all about the psychology! In an unexpected turn of events, Hurley flips the psych-out right back at him by asking if they are going to play with a "mercy rule." Meaning that if he is up 11-0, he automatically wins. Sawyer scoffs that Hurley will be up that high, but agrees. Hurley asks if he wants to volley to see who serves, but Sawyer just lets him start. Hurley proceeds to kick his ass. Wacky!

Patch comes in with a tray of iced tea for his "guests." He claims to grow the tea himself, and apologizes for the bitterness. Sayid says that any tea is good tea, and Kate rhetorically asks if Patch knows how long it's been since they've seen ice. Patch explains that everything was brought over by the Initiative -- and "everything" apparently includes the horse, cat, and many wires. The station was the communication hub; it connects to all the other buildings, and yes, it does have big wires that run into the ocean, in case anyone is still mulling that question over from past seasons. See? The writers do have a plan! They know a loose end when they write it! They are helping us unravel a cable-knit sweater that someone just keeps knitting and knitting and knitting. So: the giant wire that runs underwater is for a sonar beacon to a submarine? That the Initiative used to bring Patch and the horse over? Sounds like the start of a bad joke. A horse, a cow, and a one-eyed man walk into a submarine... what is this, a Metallica video? The Hostiles have undoubtedly commandeered the submarine by now, which Sayid opines is how they knew where to find his sail boat. It's too bad they got the boat, but at least they killed one. Patch raises his eyebrow while Kate and Sayid stick with the stink-eye. Patch slowly puts his tea down and asks why they're continuing with the charade when it is, like, so over. Patch picks up the iced tea pitcher and smashes it into Sayid's face. Whoa. Emily Post would so not approve! Sayid whales on him for a bit and then Patch backhands Kate to the ground. Kate is down while Sayid and Patch throw each other into the walls. Sayid (despite being one-armed) manages to body-slam Patch to the ground. Which answers the eternal question: if a one-armed man and a one-eyed guy were in a death match, who would win? Kate has managed to get to her feet; she grabs the gun, and points it at Patch's head. And Locke? Yeah, he's still playing chess. He finally runs in as Sayid looks for a rope to tie up Patch. Kate slaps him on the back of his big bald head. Dope!

In flashback, Sayid is chained to the floor, looking desolate. He perks up a bit when Sammy brings him some water. The perkiness does not last long; Sammy then accuses him as his wife's torturer. Doesn't Sayid recognize his victims? Doesn't he remember dumping boiling oil over her arms after she was arrested for harboring enemies of the state? Sayid confesses that he was an interrogator in the Republican National Guard, but denies torturing Sammy's wife. He swears that he remembers every face of every person he ever tortured -- and he doesn't know her. He says maybe she saw him at the same facility, maybe she remembers him from there, but he did not torture her. He swears. Sammy says she remembers him well enough to know it was him after one glimpse as they walked past the restaurant where he worked. So Sayid better start remembering, because if he doesn't, he is leaving the room. In a bag! I'd be more concerned for Sayid if this weren't a flashback and we didn't know that he didn't leave the room in a bag. Unless... unless the entirety of Craphole Island is populated by ghosts! Maybe all the Losties are dead and the island is Purgatory! And the Others are living people like in the movie The Others and they kill people by exorcising them! Yeah! Totally!

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