Everybody Hates Hugo

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!

Jin starts speaking Korean again, pointing at Sawyer's gunshot wound and looking concerned. Sawyer just sort of acknowledges this and then says, "Why don't you pee on it?" Thanks, guys. Going for the niche water-sports fan-fiction market, are you? And I know he was speaking English in a dream sequence, but again you can make a case that it looks like he understood Sawyer.

Now, Otherbisi (who isn't actually an Other, I suppose, but I don't know his name yet) lifts the lid on the pit, and lowers the rope. He gestures at Jin. "Grab the rope." Jin looks suspicious. "Please," says Otherbisi. So we know he's better versed in social pleasantries than Sawyer. Still, Jin doesn't move. Otherbisi stares at him. "Don't do it," says Sawyer. Ana-Lucia strolls up, crouches down, and calmly points a gun at Michael, telling Jin to climb up or she shoots his friend. I don't think you need to speak English to pick up on what she's saying. Jin gets on the rope and half-climbs/is half-pulled out. "You next," she says to Michael. Does she have the gun pointed at Sawyer now? Because you'd think she'd have to do better than that. "Don't do it," says Sawyer, telling Michael that the gun has only one bullet left. He's in the middle of saying "she ain't gonna waste it" when he's pegged in the head with a rock, dropping him to the ground and prompting an outburst of "son of a bitch" and the like. Girl's got an arm. Michael hops on the rope and is pulled out as well. Ana-Lucia looks at Sawyer, who says, "You want me, hot lips?" Guess not, because as he's sneering that she's going to have to come down and get him, she drops the lid back on the cage, which somehow plunges everything into pitch dark. Beat. Sawyer: "Bitch." Since "hot lips" doesn't appear to want Sawyer, I'd have figured him to go the "lesbo" route, but he says "bitch" instead.

We're back in a flashback with Hurley in his chicken-joint outfit, looking on in disbelief at his lottery ticket, which has the same numbers being read by the perky lady on television (and are, if you're just joining us, the same numbers used as the hatch-hole code). He passes out, and his mom from the kitchen is saying, "Hugo?" which is where we left the flashback last time. Now, she comes running in, slaps him a few times to bring him around. He says he just slipped, and she says, "Slipped sitting down? Is it your heart?" He says he's fine, and she knows he's lying because he's not looking her in the eye. He says he's not lying. "Then tell me what happened," she says, and he gives her a long look before saying that it must have been something he ate. That she agrees with because, as she puts it, all he eats is basura, which is junk food? ["garbage, roughly" -- Sars] and doesn't get any exercise. See, this is why he's not saying anything about the lottery, Ma. "I do exercise," he protests half-heartedly, but she fires back with "falling down is not exercise" and that the only exercise he actually gets is lifting a drumstick to his mouth. Ouch. Every day is the same, she bitches: "Work, then we eat chicken." That doesn't sound so bad to me, but she says, "You have to change your life, Hugo." She says no one else will do it for him, and then sarcastically suggests that maybe Jesus Christ will come down from heaven, take 200 pounds, and find him a decent woman and a new car. "Yes. Jesus can bring you a new car!" she says. She's kidding, but isn't that kind of the foundation of organized religion? Hurley asks her, what if he likes his life? What if he doesn't want to change? But the phone rings, and she says, brightly, "Oh! That must be Jesus!" She goes into the kitchen, answers the phone, then says, "Uno momento," then calls out that it is Jesus, and he wants to know what colour car Hurley wants. Damn, she's cold, but I couldn't stop laughing.

Back on Craphole Beach, Hurley's washing his face when Charlie strolls up with Turniphead in his sling. Charlie says they need to have a little chat. "Don't worry. Mommy's off for a little walk, so it's just you, me and the baby," says Charlie, whatever all that's supposed to mean. Anyway, he wants to know what's in the hatch, and Hurley says, "Nothing, really," but Charlie says he's been out there a whole day and night, looking at nothing? Hurley says it's some sort of bunker, like from World War II, "only newer." Charlie asks what's in it, and Hurley says he doesn't know. Yet you know it's a bunker? says Charlie. "I guess someone told me?" says Hurley, rather unconvincingly. "You're going to lie to me?" says Charlie, incredulously. "You're going to lie to the baby?" he adds, in the first of many moments throughout tonight's episode in which I will wish I were physically able to punch him. Shot of Aaron the Turniphead looking rather unconcerned about what Hurley's saying. Hurley says he wouldn't lie, so Charlie brings up the time Hurley told him he's worth $150 million, which Hurley corrects to $156 million, and Charlie starts shouting that he must have confused it with the $900 trillion that he himself is worth. And he's ranting about how Aaron is made of chocolate lollipops, and if Hurley will excuse them, he's going to go flap his wings and fly off the island. Wow, wouldn't that be nice. Either Charlie's back into the heroin again, or, more likely, he's run out of heroin again. Hurley looks uncomfortable, like he really has to take a dump.

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