Everybody Hates Hugo

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B- | Grade It Now!

Hurley's hanging out on a beautiful day that could only be spoiled by the return of Charlie, armed with more information about what's down the hatch-hole. "I know about the food. Locke told me everything," he says. Hurley says Locke's lying, and Charlie asks if Locke's also lying about the button that has to be pushed every 108 minutes. If you ask me, the button business is so ridiculous that Hurley could stick to his story about Locke's lies, since that would seem to be a perfect example. Instead, when he disputes that not pushing the button means the island's going to explode, Charlie knows he's got him. And he asks if there's any peanut butter. "What?" says Hurley, so Charlie says, "Nutty, creamy, staple of children everywhere." I THINK HURLEY KNOWS WHAT PEANUT BUTTER IS, YOU ASS, and Hurley admits that there's a couple of jars. "How about giving us one?" adding that it's for Claire. "No can do," says Hurley, like who even says "no can do" anyway? "You're saying no to a nursing mother?" snaps Charlie, and Hurley protests that it's not like that, and Charlie tells Hurley's become "one of them." You know, the Man? Management? And then he closes with, "I thought we were friends." You know, that thing that a real friend never actually says. Charlie says that Hurley's changed, and stomps off, and I have to say that if becoming the Man means that Charlie will stay away from you, it can't be that bad.

We flashback to Hurley and DJ Qualls flipping through CDs and coming across Driveshaft in the One-Hit Wonder section, and they do their best to sing "You All Everybody" but can't remember the words other than the title. Heh. And then, there is this, surely the single greatest line of dialogue ever uttered: "Driveshaft? More like Suck-shaft," says DJ Qualls. Extra points for the vulgar sexual connotations that the censors apparently had no problem with. Then Hurley says he's going to go check out the headphones, and Qualls's smirking "Sure, headphones," indicates Hurley's really going to check out something else.

The "something else" would be the clerk played by Marguerite Moreau, who has the same undying love from me that I give to everyone involved with Wet Hot American Summer. She greets "Hugo!" so enthusiastically that I was a little bit jealous. "Star-LA!" he responds. She asks why the two "chuckleheads" aren't at work, and Hurley casually says they're "exploring other opportunities," which Starla takes to mean that they quit. Hurley gives her a wide smile and nods. Qualls, like a good wingman, comes by to praise Hurley's decision, making him out to be a wild man. Hurley asks to try on a pair of headphones, while Starla flirtingly tells him that he's messing with her world view. After all, he's her rock, and if he quits his job, that means that bees will stop making honey and flowers will die and the whole damn thing will fall apart. So either she wants him, so good for Hugo, or she considers him so non-sexual that she sadly doesn't realize that talking to him like this could potentially break his heart. He tries on the headphones, and then practically has to shout so he can hear himself over the music, so she takes them off. He starts again, awkwardly: "The Hold Steady's playing the Troubadour this weekend, and I was wondering, maybe Friday…" and she interrupts him to say that she has to work. It sounds so convincingly like she's trying to blow him off without hurting his feelings that he starts trying to downplay the seriousness of the invitation, when she quickly asks if they could go Saturday instead. He stares at her for a moment, like he can't believe it, and says "that's totally cool." And she smiles at him. Does anyone doubt that Hurley believes that a smile like that is more valuable than the lottery ticket he has in his pocket?

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