How the hell am I supposed to sum that up? I don't know either, so I turned to my best TV-watching and life partner -- my husband, Scott.
Me: Honey, sum up tonight's lost for me, in 350 words, so I can send it off, wrap up the HIMYM weecap and get to bed.
Scott: Um.... Desmond comes back. Um... Hugo... um... is in charge. Um... Hugo finds his memory. The Russian chick gets blown up. Don't mess with dynamite! That's it. Wash and repeat?
Scott: Rinse and repeat.
Me: Do you mean "lather, rinse, repeat"?
Gentle readers -- he's very cute, awesome with the kids, has a great job and does laundry. Don't judge him (or me).
Okay, so. Remember how last week, I gave you a recap in the recaplet? So not happening here.
In the Sideways: After his latest celebration (M.C.ed by Dr. Pierre Chang a.k.a. Whomever Straume), Mama Reyes sets award-winning millionaire philanthropist Hugo up on a blind date with Rosalita -- a family friend. She doesn't show at the Mexican restaurant, but LIBBY does. She remembers Hugo. He doesn't remember her, but he feels... something, you know? Then he finds out she's on a field trip from the sanitarium. As Hurley himself might say, "Bummer, dude."
Later in the Sideways, Hugo meets up with Desmond in a Mr. Cluck's (where he is waited on by Samm Fricking Levine). Even though Hurley is drowning his sorrows in a family-sized bucket o' chicken, Des gets him to talk. After Des makes the point that they were on Oceanic 815 a week prior, Hugo tells him about his encounter with Libby. Des asks if Hugo believed Libby while she was talking. He did. So Des tells him to go with his gut and find out what's up with that. Then Samm Levine calls Desmond's order number: 42.
Hugo visits Libby at the Santa Rosa Mental Health Institute. She admitted herself, so she can get out on day passes, etc. They make a date -- and have it, at the beach. Hugo brings a blanket this time, bless him. He still remembers nothing -- until they kiss (which is like a really, really little death). Then he experiences the same kind of otherworldly flashbacks/visions Charlie claims to have seen, and that Sideways Desmond has seen. We'll leave them there, for now.
On the Island, things are no less freaky. The ghost of Michael (or is it Smokey, appearing as same) visits Hurley while he's tending Libby's island grave, up on Boone's Bluff. Michael is all against Richard's plans to blow up the plane. "I'm here to stop you from getting everyone killed." When Richard convinces Ilana that that's what needs doing, Hurley seems to be at a loss. But she goes and gets four sticks of dynamite, anyhow. But, after ILANA BLOWS THE HELL UP, THANKS TO UNSTABLE DYNAMITE AND HER REFUSAL TO LISTEN TO JACOB'S NEWEST PROPHET, HURLEY -- things change.
Richard is still gung-ho on his plane explosion plan, even after Jack points out that perhaps Ilana died to show them the plan sucks. But in a stunning reversal, or so it seems, Hurley then decides he agrees with Richard after all. He says the Jacobites should go out to the Black Rock, get some more dynamite, and blow up their only frigging hope of getting off the island. The thing is, Hurley goes first, and he blows the ship and all the dynamite to Hell, in order to put an end to this blowing up the plane nonsense, once and for all. I like to imagine that Frank is biting his tongue to point out he must still be alive for some reason.
Soon after, Hurley lies that he sees Jacob, and that Jacob is telling them they have to go talk to Faucke. Richard, Ben and Miles decide they've had enough and part ways with the Jacobites. They're heading back toward New Otherton to get their hands on grenades and whatever else they can, to combat Smokey. Jack, Sun and Frank stay with Hurley. Richard warns them: "Don't get in our way."
Once the Jacobites + Frank are on their own, Hurley asks Jack how you break the ice with the Smoke Monster. He then fesses up that he didn't see Jacob "back there." Jack knows, but since Juliet died (and he sees this as his fault) all he's wanted to do is fix it, and he figures he's supposed to be learning a new way, no matter how hard it is for him to let go and listen to others. Oh Jack, grow your chest hair back, and you'll be my second perfect man. How do you feel about laundry? Just wonderin'... Hurley's not comfortable in his new role as leader, but Jack says, "This is me, trusting you."
Then, Hurley hears the WHISPERS! Saying he thinks he knows what they are, he wanders off and finds the ghost of Michael, who confirms that he (Michael) is stuck on the island "because of what [he] did," and there are others stuck out there, too. "We're the ones who can't move on." So Darlton may have spent six years telling us this isn't Purgatory, but it so kinda is. Michael points out Faucke's location, and when Hurley asks if there's anything he can do to help him, Michael says, "Don't get yourself killed... And Hurley, if you ever do see Libby again, tell her I'm very sorry." Hurley: "I'll be sure to do that, dude." Ouch.
Meanwhile, back in the Sideways, Desmond watches Hurley and Libby's beachside (re)union. Once he's satisfied that Hurley's seen what he needs to, he drives off.
Island: Sayid delivers Desmond to Faucke, who marches Des out to ye olde well. And I knew it, I knew it, I knew from the second that we saw that well that Faucke was going to toss Desmond's ass in it. And he does, because Desmond refuses to listen to me when I yell at him through my TV. Damn it. But before Faucke does the deed, he tells Des that Widmore isn't interested in answers, just power. Before last week, I would have been certain that was true. Now, I'm buying into it 50%.
Back at Camp Faucke, Faucke tells Sayid (who is the only one who knows Desmond is back on Craphole) that they don't have to worry about their "friend" any more. Just as Sawyer approaches Faucke to see what's up, Hurley enters the camp. While Sawyer says "Son of a bitch," Faucke greets Hurley, who says he has other people with him, and that while everyone has weapons, he doesn't want any casualties. After Faucke gives Hurley his word on that point, Frank, Sun and (after a long delay) Jack, enter the clearning. Kate, who clearly has no idea of the stakes, smiles at Jack. Faucke does, too. "Hello, Jack."
Sideways: Desmond ends up in the parking lot of the high school where Benjamin Linus teaches and John Locke is the substitute. Ben approaches Des, concerned that he's a pedophile, scoping out new prey. Des says (lies) that he's checking out schools for his son, Charlie (awwwww), but it's the wheelchair-bound Locke who has caught his eye. Once Ben moves off, Desmond puts the car in gear and RUNS OVER LOCKE! Locke lies twitching and suffering, maybe even dying -- and almost certainly having an island-laden near-death experience, as Des drives off. Ben rushes to his side and hollers for someone to call 9-1-1. DUN! Bad Robot.
I'm starting the full recap now, so until then, please join us in the forums, where nobody puts
Baby Desmond in a corner well.
Previously on Lost: Faucke, discussing the locked room on Widmore's sub, tells Sawyer that he doesn't like secrets; also, Sayid sees Zoe and Baby Face take a drugged Desmond out of the sub. Widmore's highly charged experiment not only lights up Desmond's life; it makes Desmond more than willing to go along with his plans -- no questions asked (damn it). When Sayid snatches him from the Widmorons and says they're dangerous, Des takes this in stride, too. Meanwhile, Richard tells the Jacobites they must destroy their only known way off the island -- Frank's plane.
Currently on Lost:; Sideways: Hugo Reyes is named "Man of the Year" at the grand opening gala for the Golden State Natural History Museum's Hugo Reyes Paleontology Wing. Dr. Pierre Chang aka Whomever Straume presides over the festivities, making a sweet "Everybody Loves Hugo" sort of speech. Hugo modestly accepts the wild applause of the crowd, and a frosted glass T-Rex statuette. But after the event, Mama Reyes is not as thrilled and proud as you might expect her to be. Carmen, who is personally aware that people have their needs, goes all we gotta get you a woman -- preferably one who didn't nurse him. She ignores her son's cringes, and announces she has set up a blind lunch date for him with Grandpa Tito's neighbor's daughter, Rosalita. They're going to play some pool; skip some school; act real cool; stay out all night; it's gonna feel all right.
Island; Jacobite Beach Resort and Casino; Boone's Bluff: Hurley replaces the dead flower at Libby's grave with a fresh one, and talks to her, but unlike all his other dead friends, she doesn't call, she doesn't write, she doesn't show, and she definitely doesn't talk back. Where's the love, Libby? Ilana interrupts this touching moment to announce she's going to fetch some dynamite from the Black Rock, so they can blow up the Ajira plane, over on Craphole-Adjacent. You pick up Little Dynamite. I'm gonna pick up Little Gun. Hurley doesn't think that's the best move, but Ilana says it's their only as one. Ilana softens then and asks Hurley whose grave he's at. He tells her about Libby and their first date that never happened thanks to Michael's sucky timing and murderous rampage.