Exodus, Part II

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B | 1 USERS: A+
I was blown up by a pirate ship

So this two-hour whale of an episode is just so jam-packed that we're actually cutting off bits of scenes when we come back from commercial, and Charlie is scrabbling around a hotel room saying something about having to catch a plane in a couple of hours. In the bathroom, he finds a little bag of heroin, and the drugged-out chick in the bedroom asks if he wants to do another "bump." He pockets the baggie and says it's all gone. He's got some champagne, though! She starts searching for drugs, saying there must be some left. She is, awesomely, wearing a sleeveless Poison t-shirt. I can't explain how much that rules. Charlie is attempting to skedaddle with the drugs, so he offers to send her an autographed copy of his CD, which she can listen to whenever she wants. She then slags off his "piece of crap CD" by his "piece of crap band," which, again, awesome, and maybe our mutual dislike of Drivecrap and Charlie can overcome our differences in views on being addicted to heroin. After all, it must be reiterated that she's wearing a Poison t-shirt. And that the chords to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" can be learned by anyone at Day One of guitar lessons, and in fact can be played by a finite number of monkeys with a finite number of guitars, like immediately. Charlie's all hurt that the junkie skag he scored isn't quite the fan she made herself out to be last night, like how naïve is it possible for a so-called rock god to be? "Fine, I'm a huge fan," she says sarcastically. "Drive-Thru's the best band evah." Ha! I can't believe they waited so long to introduce this character. I wish she'd been on the plane. And then for some reason moron Charlie takes out the baggie to play with the drugs, and she sees it, and she starts kicking the shit out of him, like, they should call this episode "Junkie In a Sleeveless Poison Shirt Beats Up Charlie" and just show this for two hours. He finally throws her off -- momentarily, anyway. She gets up and beats on him some more, calling him pathetic, before stomping out the door. But he's still got the heroin, so who's pathetic now, huh? Oh right, still Charlie.

Charlie's comes dashing up to Sayid and tells him that Rousseau needs him, but he doesn't know why. That doesn't seem to matter, though, as we hear someone screaming. So the two of them go running back, and Claire's lying on the ground, being tended to by Sun, who shows them a rag bloodied by a wound to Claire's head. Charlie checks the crib, and Turniphead's nowhere to be found. Fortunately, Claire isn't unconscious. Unfortunately, though, she's hysterical and screaming and doesn't know which way Rousseau went. Charlie chooses this moment to remind everyone just how cool, calm, and collected he is in the face of a crisis, and he does so by slugging Sayid. Charlie screeches that it's all Sayid's fault, because Sayid didn't give him a gun. Sayid's fault? How would things have changed if he had a gun? Just that Charlie would have been armed when he, you know, left Claire alone with the rifle-packin' crazy woman. Sayid grabs the li'l hobbit by the throat and calmly tells Charlie not to hit him again, tacking on a "plenty of blame to go around" clause to his threat. No time to waste pointing fingers, he says. "She has a head start. If we leave now, we can catch her," says Sayid, even though that makes NO SENSE. Charlie wonders how they're going to do that, and Sayid says he knows where she's going.

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