Lost

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Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

Nikki storms up the beach to demand a gun from Sawyer. He claims he has none because the A-Team took them. B.A. Baracus is here? On the Island? And I didn't see him? Aw man, that will shake things up around here! That will definitely turn this show around! Maybe the Harlem Globetrotters are next! Or Sonny and Cher! Sawyer continues that even if had a gun, he wouldn't give it to her, because she's breathing fire and needs to cool off. By sticking her head in the ocean. She storms off, yelling, "Thanks for nothing," as Desmond watches. He likes to watch. Pervert.

Sawyer bends over Nikki's dead body and whispers, "Thanks for nothing." He closes her eyes and starts to dig her grave. Sun comes up to Sawyer with steam coming out of her ears. She tells him that Charlie told her. He asks if she is going to tell Jin. She says no because then they would have to dig another grave. She grabs his hand and slaps the diamonds into them. He doesn't understand why she is giving them back. She points out that they are worthless here. Then she slugs him. He really really deserves it.

As the sun dips in the sky, the Losties are gathered around Nikki and Paolo's grave. Hurley gives the eulogy: "Nikki and Paolo, we didn't know you very well. It appears that you killed each other for diamonds. But you had goods part too. You were always nice to me. And you were a member of the camp. And I really loved Exposé. Okay then. Goodbye!" He picks up a shovelful of sand, but Sawyer stops him. In an extraordinarily un-Sawyer like move, he tosses the diamonds in with them. He solemnly intones, "Rest in peace, Nikki and Paolo." See? He does know their names!

Eight hours ago, Nikki takes Paolo out into the jungle for a surprise. She tells him that she found the diamonds. He is surprised: "Where?" She says they are right here -- in his pants! She found his gum, so she knows he found the bag. She pulls a jar out of her other bag and unscrews the lid. There's a spider in the jar, and she throws it at him. He squashes it reflexively, and it bites him. She reintroduces him to Dr. Arzt's friend the Medusa Spider. She explains to Paolo that it is called the Medusa spider because it turns whomever it bites into stone. I love mythology trivia! The spider bite doesn't kill you, it just paralyzes you for about eight hours and slows your heart rate down to a point that even a doctor would be hard-pressed to find a heartbeat. Since he was bit on the neck, she's going to guess that paralysis will set in quickly. She has eight hours to do all sorts of nasty things to him. Wow, she should sell that service in the back pages of theVillage Voice. Guys would totally pay! Nikki guesses that he has the diamonds on him. In a shoe maybe? No, not in the shoe. She tosses the shoe into the tree. She then figures out where he's got them stashed, and unbuckles his pants. Nikki, seriously. Do you have any idea how much you could charge for this online? Start filming! Nikki follows the treasure trail and finds the diamonds in his pants. Partially Paralyzed Paolo wants to talk about his feelings some more. He didn't want to tell her about the diamonds because he was afraid of losing her. If she found the diamonds, she wouldn't need him anymore. Wow, Paolo, this chick paralyzes you and you waste your last few breaths trying to win her back? Nikki almost falls for it. Then she looks freaked out and stares intently into the woods. Does she hear something? Maybe it's the Tell-Tale Heart? That shit is scary! Partially Paralyzed Paolo, lying on the ground, notices that about a billion Medusa spiders are headed straight for Nikki. ... Oh, right. Spider pheromones. Thanks, Anvil of Foreshadowing! I totally forgot!

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Lost

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