Lost

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Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

Forty-eight days ago, Kate, Shannon, and Arzt are arguing on the beach. Nikki and Paolo continue to justify their existence by interrupting and asking what's up. According to Shannon, Kate and her two boyfriends found a case of guns and didn't tell the camp. Arzt tells Kate that they are out of control and that the pigs are walking! Nikki really doesn't care about Orwellian allusions, she just wants to know where they found the case. Paolo and Nikki are at the waterfall and Nikki is trying to convince Paolo to dive in. She tries to convince him by playing nice: "I slept with Howard Zuckerman; the least you can do is dive in." Paolo wants to talk about his feelings some more. He asks if they would even be together if she didn't need help finding the bag. Um, yes, Paolo. You're on a desert island. You would still be together. Paolo dives in and swims around with the dead bodies. He finds the bag, but doesn't tell Nikki, because he loves her so darn much! Ah, romance. Nikki storms off into the woods and Paolo dives back in, presumably to get the goods.

The Losties are gathered around the bodies again. Hurley rambles about the walkie-talkie and working with the Others. Sawyer mentions Michael, but Slow Charlie can't understand why they would kill Nikki and Paolo. Sawyer points out that no one can understand what the Others do; they could be out there right now, waiting to get them all. Hurley says that he was with the Others two weeks ago and that their camp is way on the other side of the Island. Um, Hurley, I think Sawyer was there, too. Sun interjects that if the Others are so far away, then who dragged her into the jungle? Sawyer and Charlie look sheepish because she, like, totally nailed them on this. She spells it out for the viewing audience: the Others came into their camp. They grabbed her and put a bag over her head. They would have killed her. Sawyer quickly changes the subject, saying he is going on a perimeter sweep. He has a gun. He got it from one of the Others and didn't tell anyone. That's fine, but Hurley wants to know what exactly is a perimeter sweep? Hurley, darling, let's not pretend that you didn't spend hours and hours playing America's Army, okay? That figure of yours did not make itself. You totally know what a perimeter sweep is. Charlie asks if they cover up the bodies, and Sun agrees. We are treated to yet another shot of Paolo's wide-open glazed eyes. Thanks, show!

Thirty-eight days ago, Paolo surreptitiously chewed some gum or something and then started to dig a hole. Locke comes up to watch, 'cause who doesn't like an audience? Locke decides to pass on the sage advice that things don't stay buried on this Island. Another Anvil? Good grief. That's it! Sars, Wing! I demand protective headgear! Where's OSHA when you need them? Anyway, Locke is going on about how the beach is eroding and winter is coming and creating high tide. Whatever Paolo wants buried, he should make sure to stick it somewhere it will stay buried. Speaking of which, isn't the cemetery really close to the beach? Doesn't anyone else know about this high tide thing? Will Paolo carry this secret to the grave? Paolo decides to take his Russian dollies to the Pearl for safekeeping. More specifically, the toilet in the Pearl. As he's playing with his dolls, he hears voices. Someone is in the hatch with him! It's Ben and Juliet, dressed in their castaway mufti. Juliet still has Prell hair, though, so the illusion doesn't really work. I quickly take my phone off the hook because I know Mr. Conspiracy Theory will be just dying with this bit.

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Lost

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