Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: A+ | 2 USERS: C
I'm So Dizzy My Head Is Spinnin'

Dharmaville Security Barracks: The Radzinsky Beast is roughing up Sawyer in an attempt to get him to tell them where Kate is, now. Horace tries to interject some Hippie Love with a side order of "I'm still the man," but he's totally not. Phil joins in, because he's still holding a grudge against Sawyer for punching him out and locking him in the closet. Some people are so touchy. He rolls Sawyer's chair over to the security monitors playing the tape of Kate and Sawyer taking wee Ben out to Camp Richard. The Radzinsky Beast says, "Last chance. You tell me where she is, or so help me God, I will kill you." Commercial.

Juliet watches in tears as Radzinsky tries to beat a confession out of Sawyer. She yells for them to stop, and Radzinsky demands that she tell him what they want to know. Sawyer hushes Juliet. "Whatever you tell 'em, they ain't gonna believe you. It's only going to get more people hurt." Horace again tries to stop the beatings, saying Sawyer will never talk, but Phil says, "I can make him talk." The Radzinsky Beast gives him the floor, so Phil slowly walks up and smacks Juliet right across the face, bloodying her lip. Even the Radzinsky Beast looks a little appalled. Horace tries to quiet Sawyer who, naturally, is yelling, "Son of a BITCH!" He promises to kill Phil before they're interrupted by a lesser Dharma-Goon who brings the sub's manifest from last week, and notes that Jack, Kate and Hurley were all last minute add-ons. While the Radzinsky Beast knows Jack and Kate because they shot at him, he's not familiar with Hurley's name, so Phil sneers. "He's the fat guy," which kills off any remaining sympathy we might have considered setting aside for Phil. Island Rule #257: Good people describe Hurley as big and curly haired. Bad people think he's just the fat guy. And your recapper describes Hurley as LOVE. Because he totally is. Speaking of Hurley, we cut to...

Dharmaville Kitchen: Hurley packs up a bunch of Dharmaville brand foods, then guitar and groceries in hand, he heads for the hills. Dr. Chang spots him and decides to follow. As Hurley and Miles argue about whether or not they're going to rescue Sawyer and Juliet (with Hurley claiming Sawyer would never leave them behind), Chang comes up behind them. Jin and Miles aim their weapons at him, but once Miles realizes who it is, he relaxes his stance. Chang asks Miles if Faraday was telling the truth when he said they were from the future. Hurley, who must have forgotten that he learned not to lie this season, says, "Dude, that's ridiculous." Since Mama Reyes isn't around to remind him, Dr. Chang, the Island and Dumb Luck team up to school him. Chang asks Hurley what year he was born. Hurley is an artist, not a mathematician, so he says, "Um, 1931." Chang has a hard time believing Hurley could be 46, but Hurley says he is. Chang says, "So you fought in the Korean War?" Hurley must have gone to public school, because you can see him trying to figure out whether or not Chang is tricking him and decides that he is. Slowly, he answers, "There's...no such thing." Miles shoots Jin a look, like you knew he would, but it is Korean Jin who steals the scene as he rolls his eyes in response. Whee!

Chang's not done, though. He asks Hurley who was President of the U.S. in 1977. If Sawyer was there, Hurley would hit him and say, "Why don't you tell him, Mr. It's-Not-A-Damn-Game-Show?" but Sawyer's too busy getting the crap beat of him to have Hurley's back right now, so Hurley just says, "All right dude, we're from the future. Sorry." I love how the big charade comes apart in just a few words.

Chang turns to Miles and asks him if it's all true. "You are my son?" Miles confirms that he is, and then Chang recaps Daniel's warning about the soon-to-be massive accident at the Swan. Miles says Daniel's been right about everything so far. "So if he said to get everyone off the island, I'd do it." Chang is convinced of everything way more easily and quickly than I ever expected. I don't know why, but it reminds me of when my cousin fell in love with and married a man from Cancun whose English was, at the time, only so-so, but much better than her Spanish. He said something to her in Spanish once that she didn't understand. When she asked him what it meant, he said, "Your soul knows what I said." They're divorced now, Chang. I'm just saying. He doesn't hear me, because he's a fictional person inside of my TV and more importantly, because we've already jumped to...

1977; Camp Richard In-The-Verge: The camera zooms in on poor Daniel's dead face and then up to Charles who is kneeling over him, wondering aloud to Richard why "this man" looks so familiar. I think Richard must know, but he doesn't say. When Eloise marches out of her tent, her demeanor makes it clear that she wears the pants in the camp. She informs Richard that he and "Eric" are going with her. Charles wants to know where they're going. Ellie ignores him, tells Richard to untie Kate and Jack, and asks for a moment alone with Daniel, or maybe Charles. Let's say both. It's a family reunion, of sorts. And what a happy family it is. Kate wipes a fake tear from her eye as Murderous Mommy closes Daniel's eyes and covers him with a blanket and tells Daniel's Daddy Issues that she's taking their new prisoners to the bomb. They have a whispered conversation, in which Charles says things like that he's worried for her and "Not in your condition." He has his hand pressed to her abdomen the whole time, but Ellie's made her decision.

Looking on, Jack asks Richard who the man with Eloise is. Richard says that he's "Charles Widmore. He and Eloise are...well, let's just say love can be complicated." For a moment, I remember my theory from "Jughead" that Ellie and Charles were siblings, but eww, I'm wiping that from my mind unless and until the show forces it back in there. Kate wipes a fake tear from her eye again, in case we didn't catch it the first time, and considers the complications of love. Eloise says it's time to move out, and we jump to...

2007; Jungle; Nighttime: Richard wants to know where Locke was the last three years. Locke seems surprised that Richard doesn't know. Richard recaps the events from the day Ben turned the wheel, and recounts how they were sitting on a log, but then Locke just disappeared. Locke says Richard is about to see where he disappeared to. "And after we're finished with that, I'd like you to take me to see Jacob." Richard and Ben stop dead in their tracks, and Ben says, "That's not how it works, John." Locke asks Richard if this is going to be a problem. Richard tries to stall, but Locke plays his I'm the leader card and gets Richard to agree that he'll do what Locke asked.

Locke leads them right near Yemi's plane and gives its history, then tells Richard that a man will walk out of the jungle who's been shot in the leg. He gives him a first aid kit and tells Richard to remove the bullet from the man's leg, and then tell the man that he has to bring everyone who left back to the island. "And when he asks how to do that, you tell him he's going to have to die." Just then, alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke comes stumbling through the brush. Ben stares. "Who is that man, John?" Locke smiles and turns to Ben. "Me." Richard looks at the director as if to say: Cut to commercial! Cut! Cut! I've seen a lot of crazy shit on this island, but that takes the cake.

Richard tends to alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke's leg, just like he did in "Because You Left." But this time, when alterna-shot-in-the-leg-Locke asks how Richard knew there was a bullet in his leg, and Richard says, "Because you told me there was, John," and then corrects to, "Well, you will," it makes as much sense as anything else on t

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