House Of The Rising Sun

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B- | Grade It Now!
That Girl From Pyongyang (Unfurled My Long Wang)
After the commercials, Sayid and Sawyer come running to Mercutio's aid. Sayid lays another vicious hit on Jin. Were this a football game, that hit would have forced a fumble. A fumble in the jungle! I have to say, other than the glitch with the watch, this is a fantastically-shot fight scene. Splashy and messy and cool. Sayid puts some kind of a wrestling or law-enforcement neck hold on Jin and asks Sawyer for the handcuffs. Funnily enough, Sawyer has them waiting in his pocket. They handcuff Jin to a kind of pipe connected to the landing gear and Sayid asks Sun, "What happened?" She stares stonily back at him.

The Aqua Teen Thirst Force tromps through the jungle. Kate asks Jack how he found the water, and he says, "Luck." Locke looks back the way they came and seems to hear Sun screaming on the beach. When they reach the spring, Locke says the place is "amazing." By day, I think it looks kind of like Hef's Grotto. Charlie asks if they should look through the auxiliary wreckage for supplies, and seems pleased when Locke suggests he's got a point. Jack agrees and takes their water bottles, telling Charlie to keep an eye out for drugs. "Drugs," Charlie says. Yes, drugs. "Drugs," Charlie says. Yes, drugs. "Drugs," Charlie says. Yes, drugs. "Drugs," Charlie says. Yes, drugs. "Drugs," Charlie says. Yes, drugs. "Drugs," Charlie says. Yes, drugs. Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs...the echoes float through the jungle like anvils in the night.

Charlie steps away and secrets himself at the base of a tree, digging his packet of heroin from his pocket. There's not very much of it left. He's about to take a toot when Locke shows up and says, "Don't move." Charlie hides the baggie and tries to explain himself, but as Jack and Kate show up, Locke points out that Charlie's standing on a beehive. If he moves, Locke says, the hive will split. He sends Jack and Kate off to get something to cover up the hive while a very nervous-looking Charlie admits to an irrational fear of bees. Don't worry, Charlie, I have one too, stemming from the time that I was a little kid reading a book and eating a sandwich by an open kitchen window and, just when I was about to take a big bite out of the sandwich, looked down to see two gigantic wasps crawling around on it. This may have had something to do, of course, with the fact that I was eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich, a delicacy that, looking back, I can't believe my mother fed to an already hyperactive kid. Oh my God, a PB&H sounds really good. I'm gonna go make one right now.

Mmphkay, M'm mmack. Mmere mmas M? Moh meah. I checked, and that sandwich I just ate had 38 grams of sugar in it. Basically,

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