Lost

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Double Your Pleasure
out Jin's name and gets a gun from the van. He tries to cock it (or whatever one does to guns) but he knows as much about them as I do, so he does the smart thing. He lies. "I'VE GOT A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!" And uh...if any weird stalker-readers have snuck in amongst the usual gentle readers, I'VE GOT A GUN AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT, TOO! Hurley wanders off in search of the noise, leaving the slowly-dying-Sayid vulnerable and alone. When Hurley hears rustling behind him, he turns to find Jacob, whom he seems to recognize from their post-jail cab-share in "The Incident." Jacob asks him if he has a minute, which is at least how long it's going to take for Hurley to believe his eyes.

Plane Reality: Sun and Jin sit together. He watches her watching Bernard and Rose actually enjoying one another's company. When she tells Jin they look so happy together, he tells her to button that frigging top button of her already modest beige cardigan. Sadly, this reality's Jin seems like the same prick Sun flew with the first time around.

Elsewhere on the plane, Damon Salvatore is talking to Locke. Pssssst. Locke, listen to me, I don't know how he got on this flight, but whatever you do, don't antagonize him, and don't let him get you alone. Also, don't look him in the eyes. I know it's tempting; look how pretty they are...ahem, but please.... Is Vervain native to Australia? Any chance you snuck some through customs? Damon, pointedly ignoring me, tells Locke not to waste his time reading about water landings. Locke, in what I feel must be a little hero's salute to Captain Chesley Sullenberger, points out that a skilled pilot has a chance of making a safe water landing on a calm sea, and the fuel tanks should keep the plane afloat long enough for everyone to board the life rafts. Damon just looks at Locke. Don't eat him Damon. I know, it's been a long flight and you're likely peckish, but...look, that's Frogurt right between you and John Eat him, instead! I'm pretty sure I know enough likeminded fans to take up a sizable collection if you're so inclined. You know you're going to need some spending money once you get Katherine out of that tomb. Oh good, Locke has impressed Damon -- who says he was in Australia to get his sister out of a bad relationship that it turns out she didn't want to leave. Sister? Wait, as far as I know, you only have a brother -- Stefan. What is this? Oh my word. Is that supposed to be Boone? But...how can it be? I don't want to smack him silly, or see him die. I just don't want him to eat Locke, who is busy telling Da Boone that he just went on a walk-about and all that entails. Is this new reality that different? Nah, he's totally lying. Even Boone can sense such things in this new reality. "You're not pulling my leg, are you?" Is that a flicker of recognition in Locke's eyes? Yeeouch. Well, whether or not it is, it seems Boone does not remember history and may well be doomed to repeat it. "If this thing goes down, I'm sticking with you." Oh Boone, I like you so much now that you're Damon Salvatore (who is an Evil Pixie Monster -- but a likable one). If the plane goes down again, stick with anyone but him. (Go Sayid. Choose Sayid.)

Island Reality; Four-Toes Beach: Faux-Locke picks up the knife Ben used to kill Jacob. He wipes it on his pant-leg and then crosses over to a homespun rug, cuts off a square and wipes off the knife some more. This brings to mind the tapestry scrap Ilana found in the cabin, last season but I can't go back now, to see if they're the same. I think I read somewhere though that the scrapestry that Ilana found had an image of Tawaret on it. Does that ring a bell? I, the recapper without HDTV, don't see anything like that on this rug. Meanwhile, Ben stares at the fire pit, as if he's in danger of falling into a catatonic state. Or perhaps he's just doing his best impression of the audience. As far as I can tell, Jacob's corpse isn't in it -- but again, I need HDTV. When Faux-Locke tells him, "Jacob's gone," we both snap out of it. Ben wants to know why Jacob didn't put up a fight. Faux-Locke figures Jacob knew he was beaten. He orders Ben to go outside and tell Richard that he needs to talk to him. Ben wants to know why, but Faux-Locke tells him that's between him and Richard.

Outside, Sun asks Frank who Ilana, Bram and crew are. Frank gives her his brief and violent history with them, then adds, "They said they're the good guys." He looks at Sun and then, "I'm not buying it, either." Meanwhile, Richard is trying to keep Ilana and her crew from entering the statue -- by saying that no one gets inside without an invite from Jacob. Ilana tells him they're on Craphole at Jacob's invitation. That's not good enough for Richard, but the conversation is cut short by Ben, doing Faux-Locke's bidding. When he insists John wants to talk to Richard, Richard drags him over to Locke's corpse, throws Ben on the sand in front of it and says, basically, you first. Ben's eyes get even bigger...if you can imagine.

Hatch-Pit: Everyone tries to free Juliet, but there's a big beam blocking their way down to her. Sawyer orders Jin to go get chains from the van.

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Lost

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