Back on the beach, Sawyer is sitting peacefully in his first-class chair staring out at the ocean, with his glasses and book resting on his leg. Hurley walks up and kicks him. When I get really old, I am going to be a random kicker and just walk up to people and kick them in the shins if I think they are asses. Like people who are rude to bodega owners and shopkeepers. Or people who throw litter. And definitely people who read Ayn Rand. Anyway, Hurley kicks Sawyer, who is understandably cranky about this. And thus starts the ridiculous subplot du jour. Hurley tells him not to look at him, not to talk to him, and that he is not supposed to be there. Sawyer is fine with that and tells him to scram. Hurley says that there are some things Sawyer needs to know. There has been chatter. After Paolo and Nikki (who?) and everything, people are talking, and tomorrow there is going to be a vote about whether or not to banish him. Sawyer sputters, "Banish me? Banish me where?" Hurley says that there was debate about that, but the consensus was half a mile down the beach. Hurley says that the reason he is there is because there may be a chance to make amends. Sawyer says he doesn't do amends. Hurley says that Sawyer may want to think about the perks of living in camp. Sawyer can't even feed himself. He uses the latrine. He drinks the water that Steve brings everyday to the trough. Sawyer stops him by asking, "You know how for three days ten hours and fifteen minutes I ain't allowed to use nicknames?" It's only been three days since the ping-pong contest? That makes my head hurt. Sawyer continues, "Well you sir, Hugo, are rotund, annoying, and blocking my view." Hugo calls him "dude" and tells him he is making a big mistake.
But not as big a mistake as Kate's making, as she eats white bread off the floor. Empty calories, Kate! Moment on the lips, forever on the hips! She hears a noise, realizes it's not the flies that are crawling all over her lunch, and looks out the window. The Others are leaving. They are wearing their Official Other t-shirts. They've grabbed their Official Other duffle bags And they have donned Official Other gas masks. Kate looks around the room in a panic, looking for a means of escape, but it is too late. A random Other tosses a canister of knock-out gas of some sort into her rec room. She futilely covers her mouth with a napkin and tries to get out the padlocked door, but eventually she succumbs and passes out.
In some redneck bar out in the corn fields, Kate and what's her name are having a drink. The Lady Con asks Kate her name. Kate is sticking with her story and says her name is Lucy. The Lady Con (I swear they have not said her name yet) laughs and says, "So what's your real name?" Good question lady! Kate looks abashed, and the Lady Con says, "Next time someone asks, don't think about it. So, why Lucy?" Kate says that as Lucy is the patron saint of blindness who was miraculously able to see after she had her eyes gouged out by her jilted pagan bridegroom, she felt it was appropriate. Then she said something about having to memorize saints when she was a sweet Catholic schoolgirl and how she thought she could remember it. The Lady Con asks what makes a girl from Sunday school afraid of cops. Kate takes a shot and decides, oh hell with all this hiding and lying and being on the lam, I'll just tell this complete stranger the entire story about how I killed my stepfather because he was a bad man. The Lady Con wonders if Kate did what she said she did, why the hell is she in Iowa? Kate says that she wants to see her mommy. Seriously, Kate, just say it with flowers. The Lady Con points out that Kate is going to have a hard time getting to her mother because the Feds will be watching her 24-7. Kate says she will figure something out. The Lady Con smirks, and Kate says, "What, you want to help me?" The Lady Con looks thoughtful and says yes, because she fell in love with the wrong guy. She loved him, he conned her, and she gave him her life savings. He was a bad guy. So she is going to help Kate meet her mom because in this cold cruel world, one of them deserves something good. Like, gag me with a smurf, okay?