Lost

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Hot Girl-on-Girl Action

Kate is wheeling a suitcase up to a house. She knocks on the door of an apartment. Her mother opens the door and stares in surprise. Just then, the marshals come busting out with guns blazing. There are approximately forty-seven of them just sitting around waiting to see if America's most wanted bank robber might take time out of her busy hiding and evading schedule to show up to see her mom. I hope my tax dollars are paying for this! It is such a great use of public resources. The 47 marshals knock her on the ground, shove their guns in her face, and rip off her hat and sunglasses. But it's not Kate! It's the Lady Con posing as a Bible salesman. The angriest marshal rips open her case and, sure enough, it is chockfull of Bibles. He takes out a few and opens them just to be sure Kate is not hiding between the pages of the Good Book. The angry marshal clearly has "public relations disaster" written all over his face. The real Kate is watching all of this unfold from the safety of a car about six feet away. Gosh, Kate, six feet from the action is a great place to avoid capture! I never would have thought of that! I guess that's why you are the hardened criminal and I am just a lowly recapper who only has to hide when Sars and Wing want twenty-eight more words in their recaplets. And it's easy to hide from them -- just go outside! Heh.

There is a knock at Kate's hotel room door. It's the Lady Con. She charges into the room, peels off her wig, and starts bitching about the lack of respect for Bible peddlers these days. The marshals questioned her for half an hour! They took her case! Good thing she knows how to lie! Excuse me. I have a soapbox lying around here somewhere. Ah yes. Ahem. On what grounds would some overeager U.S. Marshals detain an upstanding and innocent citizen? By what authority would they be able to seize her personal property when there is no evidence of a crime being committed? Did they have a warrant? Are they planning on returning her property? Is this just another example of overly-zealous government action stepping all over our civil liberties? What is the world coming to? I blame Millard Fillmore. It all started to go downhill with him. Okay, stepping off soapbox now. Kate looks barely apologetic about all of this. She is just glad that she knows what she is up against, and she will figure something out. The Lady Con is unimpressed, "There were six guys waiting to take you down, Lucy! And that marshal? I don't know what you did to him, but if he ever gets his hands on you, it's going to be you or him." Kate is inexplicably bitchy about this and says that if the Lady Con is changing her mind about helping her, then she gets it. She'll figure it out. Instead of pimp-slapping her, the Lady Con demands to know if there is a good explanation for her to lie to federal agents just so Kate can talk to her mom. In my opinion, that is a really good question! Kate looks at the Lady Con and fills in the details about her crime: her stepfather used to get drunk and beat her mom, and Kate decided to kill him and make him look like an accident so her mom could benefit from the life insurance policy. Then her mom turned her in. She needs to talk to her mom because someone she loves, someone who is supposed to care about her, betrayed her, and she wants to know why. Nay, she needs to know why. You know, I was fine with Kate playing Farrah Fawcett and killing her abusive stepfather, but when she lays it out like that it sounds so COMPLETELY FREAKING BATTY that I don't get it at all. Kate kills somebody and her mom is just supposed to love and accept it and roll around in the wads of insurance money? Is she not supposed to be dismayed that her daughter went from 4H to Murder Inc.? Meh. The Lady Con nods like this nonsense is reasonable and says they are going to find out why.

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Lost

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