Yeah, that's right. This July, coming to a maternity ward near me: Danielle or Daniel, Jr. I'm jumping the shark and going for the cheapest sweeps stunt of all: the new baby. And I think I've kept it quiet for about long enough. Once I'm done with this recap, I have to finish the nursery, and start practicing the diapering. Because the next diaper I change will be the first one. And based on the new-parent videos I've been watching? That's some nasty shit I'm about to be working with.
What? Oh yeah, the show. Sun says Jin doesn't have to leave her, because she's coming with them. Jin looks like he didn't figure that when he became less controlling, Sun would actually start asserting her free will like this.
The Fab Five are trekking through the jungle. Sawyer sees a doll in the foliage, and goes to grab it, but is stopped by Kate, who tells him that it's a trap, one of many Rousseau's got set around the island. He asks her how she knows that, and she tells him about the net she and Jack were stuck in. Sawyer slows down and chuckles. "When the doc told me y'all got caught in a net, I thought he meant...something else." Because "caught in a net" is totally a euphemism for sex, Sawyer. Kate seems more irritated that Sawyer and Jack were talking about her. Whatever. She secretly wants them to fight each other; I don't know why she's lying.
Fortunately, this high-school drama is interrupted by a giant green bird that buzzes the Lostaways, who draw their guns. The bird screeches a couple of times and flies off. "Did that bird just say my name?" asks Hurley. I've listened to it a few times, and it's a very screechy cry that could sound like "Hurley," especially if you're trying to hear that. And the closed captioning says the bird does say "Hurley." But I hope it's not that. Because THAT WOULD BE STUPID. No one else seems to have heard that, however, and Sawyer makes a snide comment about the bird also crapping gold.
And meanwhile, Michael's examining his gun, because when he fired, the gun only went click, which would be decidedly non-helpful when firing at actual enemies, not fake-ass birds. Sure enough, when he checks the magazine, he discovers it's empty. Jack sees him looking and nonchalantly apologizes and says he must have forgotten to load that one. He unshoulders his backpack to get Michael a loaded magazine. Michael's clearly thinking, "Shit. Jack knows. He can read my thoughts!"
Charlie's strolling through the jungle, and he comes upon Locke, who's...oh, Locke, look what they done to ya...crying against a tree. He recovers as best he can when he realizes Charlie's there. Charlie seems almost genuinely concerned when he asks what happened to Locke's face, but then decides to be a dick, I suppose because of the beatdown Locke gave him a while ago. "If you're feeling sorry for yourself, you may want to have a drink with your mate from the hatch. I hear he's a little despondent as well." Locke's all, who in the what now? And Charlie decides to speak in riddles, and says the guy's pushed Locke's button too many times. "Desmond?" says Locke, and Charlie's all "yeppers!" and then says, as sinister as he can, "I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about." And he smirks and struts off, and why Charlie's acting like he just got in a really good burn off on Locke I have no idea.