Lost

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Cindy McLennan: A | Grade It Now!
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Namaste Or Nama-Go Now?

It's now (and we get the feeling suddenly) daylight. Frank flies in a bright blue sky, above the fluffy white clouds. The co-pilot says, "What" while the plane keeps saying, "Stall. Stall. Stall." That doesn't seem too helpful after the first time. Ajira 316 looks prepped to take a nosedive. There is some techno-babble between Frank and his co-pilot which amounts to, "OHNOES don't crash this thing!" And possibly, "Let's jettison the curly haired dude. He's a total jinx," or maybe I'm projecting. I haven't flown since my husband and I returned from our honeymoon in Aruba. In November of 1994. What? We got busy having babies soon after. And we didn't want to fly with them. If you were flying on planes with loud, cranky wee ones, you can't blame us. Frank demands more power so he can pull them out of their swan dive. The co-pilot goes all Scotty: she can't take much more of this, Captain (and yeah, Trekkers, I know Scotty never actually said that). When flying the plane doesn't seem to be working, Frank talks to it. This, I totally get. Finally they spot a runway. Huh. On a desert island. Imagine. I wonder how that got there? The co-pilot is sending out maydays and Frank's just trying to land the frakkin' plane. Which he finally does, but the runway is a little bit short, so he ends up in the brush. And everything goes black.

Frank wakes, bloodied and battered, but in way better shape than his co-pilot, who has been shish-kebabbed by what looks to be a birch tree. Do they have birches in the South Pacific? He grabs his flashlight and makes his way to the cabin. Caesar is trying to wake Ilana. "Hey, lady. Are you okay?" She says, "Jarrah?" as she comes to. Caesar introduces himself and tells her they had an accident. She looks to Sayid's seat and finds him missing, and stumbles when she tries to stand. Sun is struggling to get to her feet, too. When she calls Frank's name, he helps her up and asks where Jack, Kate and Hurley are. Ben stands before them and says, "They're gone." When Frank wants to know where, Ben says, "How would I know?" Frank, don't bother, m'kay? Unless you've made up a new and exciting game called Spot the Truth to play while stranded, there's no sense asking him any questions. Even the show knows it's not worth sticking around for more "answers" from Ben because we cut to...

Thirty Years Earlier: Sawyer meets up with Jack, Kate, Hurley and Jin on the north point of Craphole. After Sawyer makes googly eyes at Kate, Hurley hugs him so hard he lifts him up. "You're alive! Dude, I can't believe it." Sawyer calls him "Kong," and Hurley cops to missing the nicknames, so Sawyer immediately starts calling him Hugo. Jack and Sawyer shake hands, and then Sawyer and Kate hug, and utter one another's names like they don't mean much. Fakers. Poor Jack stands around like he's the third wheel, but have faith, good doctor. There's a fourth wheel, now. It'll all work out, somehow. Sawyer's all "son of a bitch" about Locke actually doing it -- actually bringing them back. Then he notices Locke isn't there and asks after him. Jack informs Saywer that John is dead, but when Sawyer wants to know what happened, Jack says it doesn't matter. Well, what's he supposed to say? After he was in a horrific accident and while recovering in my hospital, I was a total dick to him, so he checked into a hotel and killed himself, but not before he wrote a note to me making it crystal clear that he only offed himself because I didn't believe him, but by that time, I did believe him. Of all the dumb luck! That's soooooo Locke, right? No, of course not, because even though that's what Jack thinks happened, we all know Ben killed him. And we don't have anyone nearby to exposit on that just yet. Hurley asks about Jin and Sawyer wearing the Dharma jumpsuits, so Sawyer tells them they're in the Dharma Initiative now, oh and by the way, it's 1977. The music spins up and out and then... stops. Hurley says, "Ooo... uh. What?" Dun.

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Lost

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