Pilot, Part I

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B | 4 USERS: A
Sucked In

Then, KATANG! There's some big clanky monster out in the jungle stomping palm trees in the dark. There's been a lot of speculation as to what the monster is, but don't worry -- I figured it out. It's the Iron Giant, who's been reassembling himself on this island for fifty years and has decided that not being a gun is for saps. The Iron Giant is gonna bust some heads.

(Oh, spoiler alert, by the way. Don't read the preceding paragraph if you don't want to know what the monster is.)


Flashback! Jack's on the plane. (This is an ABC series premiere, by the way. And you're still watching ABC7. In case you forgot.) Jack gets a few extra bottles of vodka from the flight attendant and then alks out, pouring nearly an entire bottle into his cup and downing it. And this is before the crash even starts. He gets up to go to the bathroom but is stopped short by a hobbit gallivanting down the aisle. Jack sits back down just as the plane hits a big fat bump. The woman across the aisle -- whom Jack will later resuscitate -- observes that she's a bad flier, and wishes her husband wasn't back in the restroom. Jack says he'll stay with her and that everything will be fine right before, of course, everything goes to shit and people start flying into the ceiling and the plane goes into a screaming nosedive and the oxygen masks pop out of the ceiling. I hate plane crash scenes. ["Seriously, when we were watching it, I commented to Glark that the sequence was recapper crack: 'Chaos.' There you go: three minutes, recapped." -- Wing Chun]

Okay, back to the pretty beach. Folks are speculating as to what the monster is, and Bad Flier mentions that the sound it made ("KATANG!") was familiar. "Where are you from?" someone else asks, and she replies, "The Bronx." And the monster actually does sound like the D train, but as I've already determined it's the Iron Giant, that clue is irrelevant.

Kate and Jack head out into the jungle with Charlie to find the cockpit, but not before Kate robs a corpse for some nice hiking boots. ["Typical Beckinsale." -- Wing Chun] This scene really works in deepening Kate's character, because I imagine that Kate Beckinsale typically has an assistant to do her corpse-robbing for her. She gets an orange-peel smile from the old ruminatin' guy, who first looks like a boxer wearing a mouth guard and then, while he finishes the orange, like an orangutan. For what it's worth, I didn't think there was anything creepy about the orange; I thought it was cute. Not like the dog. That dog is creepy.

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