Lost
Pilot, Part I

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B | 4 USERS: A
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Sucked In

In a clearing, they find pilot's wings in a puddle. Looking up, they try to make sense of an odd shape in the treetops -- Dominic Monaghan does a funny head-tilt here -- and then Jack, trudging out of the woods, tells them it's the pilot. Kate runs to Jack and gives him the kind of non-hug that characters who really love each other give each other in movies set before 1900, which is to say she gets really close to him and breathy and looks into his eyes but doesn't actually touch him. I bet Kate Beckinsale never thought she'd fall in love with a commoner so quickly. "Did you see it?" she asks, and if I know anything, I know that when someone says something twice in a TV show, it's a clue. Only two sentences (as far as I can recall) were said twice in this episode, and I'm predicting right now that they will have great import:

1. "I'll eat on the rescue boat," said twice successively by Toenails. This is a clue. It means she has an eating disorder (besides her chocophobia) and in fact will not eat a single bite until Episode 100, when the rescue boat comes. Then she will eat the rescue boat itself, and its crew, and the castaways will continue to be stuck on the island. Write it down.

2. "Did you see it?" said twice by Kate Beckinsale. This means that Kate Beckinsale actually controls the Iron Giant with a chip implanted in her unnaturally wide lips. Write it down.

Charlie cock-blocks Jack by pointing out the dripping dead body in their midst and asking, "How does something like that happen?" In the episode's final shot, we see the pilot in all his gory. Interestingly, he appears to have been chomped but not swallowed -- that is to say, he was killed but not eaten. Which totally makes sense, because the Iron Giant eats only metal.

Next on Lost: Kate Beckinsale in her underpants, Sayid on the radio, Mercutio holding handcuffs, a scruffy guy firing a gun, and Toenails has just been through a trauma, okay?

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Lost

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