Sydney, seven months ago. A frantic Claire bolts out of the bathroom holding a pregnancy test while her equally frantic baby daddy looks on. He suggests she might have done it wrong, and she snaps, "Thomas, I can pee on a stick." He looks at the test and declares that while there are two lines, they're obviously red, not pink. She takes a look and says, "Pink." Which is funny because the point of the test is not whether the lines are pink or not but whether there are two of them. When my attractive lawyer wife used a pregnancy test, though, we responded with similar disbelief (though not nearly as much panic, as we were happy about the pregnancy, rather than freaked out) -- my wife felt the second line was too pale to mean she was really pregnant, so she made me call the pregnancy test company's customer service hotline to ask them. The woman on the hotline told me it doesn't, of course, matter how pale the second line is; if there's a line there, the test thinks you're pregnant. What a job that must be, huh? Working on a pregnancy test product hotline? It seems like you would never, ever talk to a dispassionate customer -- anyone who calls is either gonna be really happy, really sad, or really desperate. My attractive lawyer wife, though, was not satisfied by this response, so she used the other home pregnancy test -- they are sold in two-packs -- which offered the same result. Then, irritated by the two-line pregnancy tests, which were obviously created for the sole purpose of making otherwise rational people think they are pregnant and then breaking their hearts later when they find out they are not, she went back to the drugstore and bought a two-pack of the more expensive home pregnancy test, the kind with the digital readout that just says PREGNANT or NOT PREGNANT. That one said PREGNANT. In fact, both of them said PREGNANT. That made four positive pregnancy tests, soon to be five if you count the one her doctor did. After that she sort of finally believed that she wasn't being punk'd.