Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B | Grade It Now!
Drivin' Your Green With My Three-Iron of Love

Fuck, I have like three minutes left. I'm just going to watch the rest all in one straight shot and then summarize it from memory. Sayid urges Rousseau to come with him, but she won't. She tells him to watch the castaways carefully. He asks who Alex was, and she replies, "Alex was my child." Then, commercials. I have nothing funny to say about them. Wait, that's not true. What is up with people in Old Navy ads? Does Gap Inc. breed them on a farm? Grow them in test tubes? Are they freshly-scrubbed each morning?

Back on the golf course, Charlie misses a putt, and then Jack lines up his putt for the big win. Hurley offers five bucks that Jack makes it. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity makes it ten against him; Rashhole bets his dinner on Jack. Sawyer shows up and bets sunscreen that Jack will choke. Kate will "take that action," if you know what I mean, bow chicka bow. Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity will take it too; Shannon reminds him that he's now basically bet against himself, to which Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity replies, "We need sunscreen, Princess." Jack taps the putt and…

A knife flies into a tree. Locke's doing his wild man shtick nearby; apparently golf isn't his game. Walt shows up and asks if Locke can teach him how to throw knives. Locke holds one out and hands it to the awestruck kid. Did anything else happen in this scene? I don't think so, but there's no time to check.

Sayid walks through the jungle in the dark. All around him he hears whispers. I'm sure he would have a haunted look in his eyes if they didn't shoot this show too frigging dark for any TV I've ever watched it on.

Next week on Lost, Claire's water breaks.

Zigazow! One hour flat! Okay, gentle readers, you can breathe again. Dan Kwa has achieved the impossible! Now my time is my own here in beautiful Duck, North Carolina.

I wonder what's on TV?

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