Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: B | Grade It Now!
Drivin' Your Green With My Three-Iron of Love

Crap, I can't figure out how to make the closed captioning work on this TV. Oh well! No time to worry about it! On Midsection Beach, Jack's patching up Sawyer's arm. They bicker like old biddies for a while until Jack tells Sawyer he's here because no one else wants anything to do with him. With Sawyer, that is. Everyone wants something to do with Jack! This shuts Sawyer up for a moment until he says, "She does." Jack chuckles bitterly and tells Sawyer to change his own bandages.

Outside Casa de Sawyer, Kate's staring off into the middle distance, as if trying to encourage a flashback; unfortunately, she's already used her allotment of Season One flashbacks, so no Beckinsaliana is forthcoming. Jack asks her if she's looking for anyone in particular or just admiring the view. She worries aloud about Sayid, who's been gone for two days. "He'll come back when he finds what he's looking for," Jack says. (Well, "says." All quotations in this recap are as verbatim as one can get without closed captions and refusing to use the rewind button.) That's a nice line, as it implies of course that Jack feels Sayid's going through something similar to his own Vision Quest or whatever a few episodes back. (Again, I should link to the episode, but I'm not gonna. Hey, maybe Sars will do it for me!) Kate reminds Jack that Sayid left because of the torture he and Jack put Sawyer through. "Sayid's a trained soldier, Kate," he says. "He can take care of himself."

Sayid the trained soldier follows the cable through the jungle, stopping only when he sees a tripwire cunningly hidden along his path. He carefully steps over the tripwire, only to put his foot plumb into a snare, which jerks him off his feet. He ends up swinging upside down ten feet above the jungle floor, and wangs right into a tree, getting a stake of some kind stuck in his leg.

Commercials! So far, so good! Ten minutes down, a solid seven or eight minutes of the show recapped. It's nighttime, and Sayid is still dangling upside down. His praying is interrupted by the sound of footsteps nearby; like everyone else on this island full of morons, he responds to danger by saying, "Hello?" to it. A knife flashes in the moonlight and Sayid tumbles to the ground.

Back at the Caves I Named Something Last Week But I Can't Remember What, Jack's checking out a fellow castaway's rash. The patient, a wuss in glasses whom I'll call Rashhole, feels certain his rash is a horrible tropical disease; Jack tells him he has hives. Meanwhile, nearby, we can hear other castaways arguing; Hurley confirms it's just more folks yelling at each other over nothing. As Rashhole walks away, muttering to himself, Jack tells Hurley, "I got enough on my plate without something something hypochondriacs." Hurley points out that the castaways are all stressed out. "It would be sweet if we had something to do," he says. Jack points out that they're all surviving and says that's his priority. "It could be worse," Jack says. "How?" Hurley howls.

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