Commercials! Is that fucking Adrien Brody, Oscar winner, shilling Diet Coke? Has he fallen so far so quickly?
The State of Nature. Sayid collects up the rifle and some of Rousseau's maps. Hurry up, Sayid! I only have ten minutes left! He climbs up the ladder, accidentally (I assume) leaving the photo of Nadia behind.
The Island Open. Jack just made a perfect shot, because in addition to being a lifeguard and pilot and doctor, he's also got a three handicap. Everyone golf-claps. Kate shows up to talk to Jack about the lesson of the day, which is that it's important to have fun in life, et cetera. Meanwhile, Hurley and Charlie banter about golf lingo, and Walt runs up to Mercutio, telling him he left him alone at the Caves I Named Something Last Week But I Can't Remember What. Mercutio apologizes in a way that suggests he's learning something about parenting, even telling Walt he should take a swing at the Island Open. +5 Good Dad Points! But then it's Mercutio's shot, and instead of offering the club to Walt, he just walks away and leaves him on the sidelines. -20 Good Dad Points! Walt stalks away.
Eight minutes! This is a real nail-biter! I hope you, the readers, appreciate the level of excitement I'm attempting to generate via this Race Against the Clock. Will Dan Kwa finish the recap within his arbitrary time constraints? Will he fail? Will he actually spend hours on this recap but lie about it and insert a fake countdown after the fact? Who can tell!?!? Sayid races through the jungle, then ambushes Rousseau, telling her to put her gun down. Instead, she turns and points the rifle at him, so they've both got each other in their sights, John Woo-style.
Iraqback! Sayid leads a hooded Nadia down a corridor, two guards in tow; he tells the guards that he can take it from here, and they leave, which real guards would never do. As soon as they're gone, Sayid pulls the hood off Nadia and tells her there's a supply truck outside which isn't searched on the way out. It's a prison, and they don't search departing trucks? Boy, were all Iraqi prisons this well-staffed and -run? It's a miracle the Iraqi countryside isn't crawling with rebels and insurgents. Nadia tells Sayid to come with her, and he says, tearfully, that he can't because they will kill his family. They sweet-talk for a while, and she autographs his photo. Then Omar shows up, asking an extremely guilty-looking Sayid what exactly he's doing. Sayid shakes his head, and just as Omar calls for a guard, shoots him in the chest. "You escaped," he says hurriedly to Nadia. "You stole my gun and shot him. And then you shot me." Sayid cocks his pistol and shoots himself in the leg, creating the scar that Rousseau will notice while he's tied up years later but which I forgot to mention. No time to go back! He gives Nadia the pistol and urges her to go; she runs away, and he reads the message she wrote on the photo.
Back inna jungle, Sayid tells Rousseau he doesn't want to hurt her, then pulls the trigger. Nothing happens. "The firing pin has been removed," Rousseau says, adding that Robert did the same thing before she shot him. "You loved him," Sayid says. "He was sick," she replies. "It took them, one after the other…they were already lost." I had a roommate in college named Ben who liked to attend bad movies with friends and, at the moment at which a character first mentions the title of the movie aloud, would stand up along with his buddies and applaud. "Mr. President: The missile represents a clear and present danger to --" [Applause!] "I can't be charged for the same crime twice. I looked it up. It's called double jeopardy." [Applause!] This moment here is the moment at which Ben and his friends would stand up and applaud Lost. Sayid realizes that Rousseau killed everyone in her party. "I'm not sick," he says. "Why kill me?" Rousseau basically explains that she's lonely. "You'll find me in the next life, if not in this one," Sayid says. That's what Nadia wrote on the back of her photograph. Then Sayid imparts the moral of the story: "The more I hold on, the more I pull away from those around me." Yes, Sayid, you learned something today. This is basically a South Park episode here.