Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
I Will Be Your Father Issues

Once the body is out of the van, Miles closes the hatchback, whereas I would have left it open for a while to clear out the eau de la mort. Alone again, Hurley says to Miles, "Dude, that guy's a total douche." Listen as nearly the whole cast sings along with Miles: "That douche is my dad." Commercial.

Mainland; 2004ish: Naomi and Miles enter a dark and empty restaurant kitchen. Miles snips that she said she was taking him out to dinner. Naomi corrects him. "No, I said I was taking you to a restaurant." As she flips on the lights, Miles follows her and says, "You wanna tell me what's back here, sweetheart?" Oh no, don't. I love you Miles, I do, but unless you're Bogart or channeling him, don't call women sweetheart in that way, or I might have to bust you upside the head. Naomi's cooler than I am, so she just tells him it's his "audition" and leads him to a corpse which lies in wait in the restaurant kitchen, which HARDLY SEEMS SANITARY. Miles decides to tell that whatever she's getting at here, it isn't his thing, so Naomi pulls a roll of cash out of her pocket and tosses it to him. "From what I understand, Miles, if the price is right, this is exactly your thing. So what can you tell me about this man?"

Miles pockets the money and approaches the corpse. He closes his eyes and he almost seems to be having a mild seizure. "His name's Felix. He was on his way to deliver something to... uh... a guy named Widmore. [...] A bunch of papers, photos, pictures... of... empty graves, a purchase order... for an old airplane." He seems to snap out of it and rubs at his eyes. So what do you think -- did Widmore have this guy killed just to plant ideas in Miles' brain while auditioning him? Once Naomi has zipped up Felix's body bag, Miles says, "So, did I pass?"

Naomi explains that she needs Miles because she's leading an expedition to an island to find a man who is difficult to find. "This island has a number of deceased individuals residing on it." (Which is a weird way to put it, yeah?) "And as this man is the one responsible for their being deceased, we believe they can supply invaluable information as to his whereabouts." Miles isn't exactly up for hunting a mass murderer, until Naomi says her employer is offering him 1.6 million dollars to come with. Miles' suitcases magically appear and he's on the freighter before you can multiply that figure by 2. Okay, only in his mind, but still. And so we jump to...

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