Lost

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
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I Will Be Your Father Issues

Once he's gone, Juliet looks to Kate, takes a moment, and then says, "Well." Kate looks back at her like well, what? Juliet says, "Here we go." Oh Juliet, you've lied to, about, and for the Others more times than anyone could count. I don't know how you do it, but why don't you start off with making a sandwich. That should get you going. Commercial.

"It Never Rains In Southern California" plays on what's probably an 8-track deck, as Miles drives lunch and death out to the Orchid. Over in the passenger seat, Hurley scribbles in one of those black and white marbled composition notebooks which is branded with a Dharma logo like everything else on Craphole (this one features an apple atop a couple of books, so it must be from the school), except the ass pocket of Juliet's possibly-anachronistic jeans. He asks Miles how to spell bounty hunter, which is a dumb line, and yes I've just doomed myself to a thousand typos, but I'm pretty sure my per-episode pay rate is nowhere near the Lost writers', so I'm good with that.

Miles asks Hugo if he's writing his "memoirs." Jorge Garcia then decides to experiment with the Joey Tribbiani smell-the-fart approach to acting, but only because he thinks Miles cut the cheese. Miles says he didn't and tells him to open a window, but it doesn't help, because it's either the stench of dead body or rancid garlic mayo wafting through the van. Hurley insists they pull over so he can check the sandwiches, because he doesn't want everyone to get sick, and that's when he discovers the unadvertised special of the day. I love how Miles begrudgingly obliges Hurley contrary to orders throughout this episode. Until I learn otherwise, I'm taking it as more evidence that basically, Miles is a good guy.

Once Hurley finds the corpse, Miles explains that the guy's name is Alverez, so he's probably not Sayid's brother come back in time. Oops. "He was digging a hole and thinking about some chick named Andrea," (Ahn-DRAY-uh). "Then he felt this sharp pain in his mouth, which turned out to be a filling from his tooth being yanked right out of its socket and blowing through his brain. Then he was dead." I've had a sensitive tooth since I watched this episode, but I'm afraid to call the dentist.

Hurley wonders how a filling goes blasting through a brain and I yell at my TV the same thing I've been yelling for at least three years, "MAGNETS!" Nobody listens. Miles doesn't have an answer to that question, but Hurley wants to know how he knows everything else, like what the guy was thinking. Miles won't offer anything more than that he just knows. But Hurley gets it. "You can talk to dead people." Miles wants to leave, but Hurley's not done. "Don't worry, dude. Your secret's safe with me. You wanna know why?" Miles says he doesn't. Hurley doesn't care. "'Cause I can talk to 'em, too." He slaps Miles' van door and then heads around to the passenger side. Miles ponders his friend, while we jump to...

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Lost

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