Anyway, Walt's stopped paying attention, much like I'm sure you have long since skipped ahead past Daniel's School Days Treasure Album. And Mercutio snatches up the comic book and says "let's go" to Walt, who wants to know why he has to come along. Mercutio points out his tendency to sneak off into the jungle to meet with strange men, only he doesn't say it quite like that.
And we flash back to Mercutio, who is for some reason that we're never told calling Amsterdam on a payphone, since making a transatlantic phone call from a busy street is always a great way to show what a good father you are. He just wants to talk to Walt, but Baby-Mama tells him now's not a good time, and she'll call him back tomorrow. Oh, so Mercutio does have a phone? Or does she mean he'll wait around by the payphone until she calls? Just wondering. Then we hear someone else's voice in the background saying "honey," and Mercutio's all, who's that? And Baby-Mama finally says that she's been seeing someone, and admits that it's Bryan Porter. "The guy who hired you?" says Mercutio, and Baby-Mama protests that it wasn't like that when she got hired. Mercutio, of course, isn't having it, and says he's coming to Amsterdam. "Mercutio, it's over between us," says Baby-Mama. And Mercutio shouts, "I'm not coming for you! I'm coming for Walt! I'm getting my son back!" And he hangs up angrily and starts crossing the street, without looking both ways, naturally. Someone crosses in front of the camera so we can get the stuntman in place, and whammo! Mercutio goes ass-over-teakettle on the hood of the car. I'm told that this is a J.J. Abrams staple, and I really should have seen it coming, but I didn't. ["Well, he sometimes uses a bus. It's tricky." -- Sars] Now, this explains -- for storytelling purposes, if not for logical ones -- why Mercutio was calling Amsterdam from a payphone. Not even J.J. Abrams has figured out how to run somebody over with a car in their living room. Then again, the Alias season is still young. Commercials.
Dammit, people, you need to buy more tickets to Christopher Guest movies. Then Fred Willard and Michael McKean don't need to shill for Sierra Mist.
Back on the beach, Charlie has solved the mystery of Claire's missing bags that has held us spellbound for the past 20 minutes. Who took the bags? We don't know. Who brought them back to the beach? Kate did, she says, as she walks up. Where were they and why did she move them? She doesn't say, and we're never told, so I guess it doesn't matter, right? I guess this was all just a time-waster until now, when Charlie is frantically looking for Claire's diary, which she kept in a side pocket. Only it's gone, so brilliant Charlie figures out that someone took it. Oh, god. We're going to get a Sawyer scene soon, aren't we?