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Locke 3 Times on the Ceiling if You Want Me

Island Beach: Frank and Sun lead the way as Ilana and Ben carry Dead Locke's corpse in a make shift stretcher/sling. Ben asks Ilana why she brought Locke's corpse there in the first place. Ilana says the people need to see the face of what they're up against. Ben asks what's to stop him from changing his face. Ilana says: "He can't. Not anymore. He's stuck this way." Okay, I'm assuming the "not anymore" comment means not since Jacob's death. But he's stuck that way? She must mean Faucke can't change human forms. I mean, he changed into Smokey when Bram and co. shot at him in the statue base. And we got Smokey-Cam earlier this episode. Whatever.

Locke's funeral cortege reaches Boone's Bluff. Frank and Ben do all the digging, because they're XYs. And ladies, usually I'd be right with you on letting the gentlemen handle the heavy lifting, but how long has Dead Locke been dead? How long has he been baking in the hot sun? Don't you want this over with as quickly as possible? I can't tell if you're preparing the body in some way, or just fiddling with ties on your packs. Skeeve-wise, I hope it's the latter, and also that you're not downwind of Dead Locke. No matter, soon the foursome is lowering Dead Locke into his grave. I find it interesting that Ilana is the only one of the four who doesn't actually step down into the hole. For Sun's sake, okay and Frank's, let's pretend that not foreshadowing. The crew leaves the tarp underneath the corpse -- because this island has an endless supply of tarps (really, watch the first season) and Ilana asks if anyone wants to say anything. I expect Sun to, thinking for a moment that she knew Locke best, but actually, that would be Ben, wouldn't it? Even he thinks so, and goes on to deliver a brilliantly Benjamite eulogy. "John Locke was a... a believer. He was a man of faith. He was a much better man... than I will ever be. And I'm very sorry I murdered him." He puts his hands in his pockets and wanders off. Frank turns his back on the scene and grabs a shovel. "This is the weirdest damn funeral I've ever been to." Maybe so, Frank, but it can't match the excitement of Boone's. Before we cut away, we see the dirt pile up on Dead Locke's mid-section. Poor bastard.

L.A. Reality; Live Locke's Bed: His alarm rings -- it sounds just like mine, but more importantly, it sounds a lot the alarm that used to sound in the hatch. Locke gets himself out of bed and into his chair. He dresses and proceeds to the bathroom, where he looks in the mirror -- like New Reality Jack and Kate before him. He takes out Jack's card and contemplates it for a minute, and then whips out his cell phone and dials. When a woman answers, "Hello, Dr. Shephard's office, can I help you," Locke hesitates before he says, "No, no you can't," and hangs up. Just then, Helen, wearing a shirt that reads Peace & Karma, enters the adjoining room and starts making the bed. At first Locke lies that no one was on the phone, but then he admits that he was calling Dr. Shephard. Helen is pleased until Locke tells her he's not going to see him. By way of explanation, he says, "I got fired Helen," which is true, and good for Locke, but that's hardly an answer. They're interrupted by the doorbell, though. Oceanic is delivering Locke's lost luggage. I wonder if Jack's getting a similar delivery right now. Helen wheels Locke's knife case into the kitchen and asks how he got fired. Locke tells her that he didn't go to the conference in Sydney, and has her open up his luggage. He tells her all about his futile attempts to go on a walkabout. "And I sat there yelling at them -- shouting at them that they couldn't tell me what I can't do. But.. .they were right. I'm sick of imagining what my life could be out of this chair, Helen -- what it would be like to walk down the aisle, Helen, because it's not going to happen." He understands if Helen needs him to see Jack, but says he doesn't want her to spend her life waiting for a miracle, "Because... there's no such thing!" Wow. Helen, for her part, is moved to tenderness and tells Locke there are miracles, but the only thing she was ever waiting for was him. She tears up Jack's card and they kiss. I am not crying. Shut up.

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