Lost
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
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Baby, Let Me Clean Your Slate (Until It Can't Get Any Cleaner)

Opening credits. Someone's sneaking around the upcountry campsite. Whoever it is -- we're obviously meant to think it's Sawyer, blah blah blah -- sneaks the clip out of Sayid's pocket. Everyone wakes up and it turns out it's Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. He also managed to get Sawyer's gun off of him. He claims he's standing guard. Shannon snipes, "He doesn't believe in guns, he goes on marches." "I don't go on marches," whines Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity. Ha! Sayid demands the gun back, and Sawyer scoffs, "Yeah, give it to al-Jazeera." "Al-Jazeera's a network," Charlie deadpans. Again, ha! This scene is so funny that it effectively distracts attention from the primary question, which should be: What The Fuck was Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity doing? Had the twenty-plus years of endless taunting finally boiled over into sororicidal rage? If so, neat! Shannon tells Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity to give the gun to Kate. Charlie and Sayid agree. Sawyer appears to agree tacitly, which, it should be noted, is the first thing he's ever done tacitly in the run of this show. An irritated Boone, God's Friggin' Gift to Humanity finally gives the gun to Kate, who's giving the Thousand-Yard Stare of Impending Flashback.

Australia, 1875. Well, maybe a few months ago. A snoozing Kate is awakened by a gruff Outback farmer pointing a shotgun at her. "You're sleepin' in my sheep pen," he says. Hey, that's Australian for a pick-up line! And Foster's is Australian for beer. "Put your shotgun back in your pants, Farmer Hoggett," Kate doesn't say, instead standing up carefully and telling him she walked here from the nearest town. "Nearest town's fifteen kilometers," he says, to which she replies, "Maybe that's why I'm so exhausted." She says her name's Annie. He asks if she's hungry. Cut to: Annie eating ravenously. I often wish that a gag like that would get subverted somehow, like maybe Farmer Hoggett asks Kate if she's hungry, and the camera stays on her for a second, and then right when I expect the ha-ha cut, she just says, "No, I'm on South Beach." Kate is wearing a Charlie-style Keystone Konvicts shirt, by the way. Is that supposed to mean something?

Shit, I dunno. She says she's Canadian and that she's on a post-college trip around the world, but after she flew into Melbourne she didn't know anyone so she just decided to walk for a while. "Melbourne's a hundred kilometers from here," says Farmer Hoggett, whose brain has been surgically removed and replaced by an Australian road atlas. "I like walking," Kate says. She also likes farms. "Do you know how to work one?" he asks, and she matter-of-factly says that she does. Farmer Hoggett says his wife died eight months ago, and he needs someone to help around the farm, because he's got "a hell of a mortgage." He offers a fair wage and a place to stay, and Kate accepts. They shake on it, Kate with her right, Farmer Hoggett with his left, because it turns out he has a big clunky artificial right arm, which you just know is going to have to come off later in the episode.

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Lost

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