Lost
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Baby, Let Me Clean Your Slate (Until It Can't Get Any Cleaner)

Midsection Beach. Sayid is announcing to the assembled castaways that they were unable to send a message, but says that if people collect up electronic equipment, he may be able to boost the signal. Sayid tells the castaways to organize three groups -- one for electronics, one for collecting water, and one for rationing food. If everyone does their jobs efficiently, surely they can live like damn hell ass kings. Kate takes Jack aside to tell him about the SOS of Doooooom. He asks if there's anything else she wants to tell him, but she'd rather ask suspicious questions about Marshal Shrap. Jack gives the Thousand-Yard Stare of Impending Commercials.

Man, that Desperate Housewives looks crazy! Hey Sars, why aren't we recapping that, huh? ["Prepare for your ouster, young man." -- Sars]

Hurley and Jack are hauling airplane seats to the edge of the jungle. They went to a lot of trouble to give castaways busywork to do during conversation scenes, and I like how, viewed independently, much of it seems entirely pointless. Why for they bring those airplane seats to the edge of the jungle? Who knows! Because they need to have a conversation away from other people, and Jack's not going to go on a long walk on the beach with someone who doesn't look like acclaimed actress Kate Beckinsale, the star of Cold Comfort Farm! Hurley can't believe Jack didn't confront Kate about her criminalitude; Jack says it's not his business or his problem if Kate is a violent criminal trapped among a bunch of innocent people who trust her. For realsies! Jack says he's going to look in the body of the plane for bags containing stronger antibiotics; Hurley is happy to let him do that by himself.

A storm's a-brewin', and Jack's inside the plane, a flashlight in his mouth, searching out meds. He hears a couple of creepy noises and shines his light in search of their source. I know the people in the Nitpicking thread have already worked this one pretty hard, but this friggin' plane should be so loud with the buzzing of flies and the gnawing of rodents that Jack couldn't hear Shostakovich's Chamber Symphony, Op. 110a, Movement 2 (Allegro molto). Sawyer's in the plane with him, in search of "booze, smokes, a couple of Playboys." Jack gets all huffy, like, oh, my bag has medicine in it, cuz I'm a doctor, I save people's lives with my medicine and my doctor magic. I don't spill my booze all over my lit cigarette while masturbating to Playboy. "Brother, you gotta wake up and smell the gull crap here," Sawyer says, which is a terrible, terrible line, but does raise another question: shouldn't this beach be swarming with gulls? I guess maybe the gulls on this deserted island, unlike the gulls at every beach I've ever been to, haven't learned that humans = food. Sawyer tells Jack he's wasting his time trying to save the Marshal; "The last time I checked, he's got a piece of metal the size of my head stickin' out of his breadbasket." Jack quite obviously wants to be all, "I got that piece of metal out, bitch." Sawyer asks how many antibiotics pills Jack's going to use to try and save the Marshal. Jack says he'll use as many as it takes. Sawyer tells Jack he's "still back in civilization." "Yeah?" Jack asks. "And where are you?" Leaving the plane with a bagful of cigarettes and magazines, Sawyer boasts, "I'm in the wild." Then he holds up a big turkey leg and rips the meat off the bone with his teeth.

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Lost

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