Lost
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Baby, Let Me Clean Your Slate (Until It Can't Get Any Cleaner)

Charlie and Claire are hauling around luggage. Charlie helps Claire. Aaaaand...scene.

Sun believes she's found Jin's bag, but his subtitles say she's wrong. Also, she's filthy and disgusting and should wash herself. Also, he loves her. Flip-flopper! Aaaaand...scene.

Claire isn't married, and Charlie thinks she's cute. Aaaaand...scene.

Hurley's scared of Kate, but she reads it at first as him being intimidated by her high-wattage smile and adorably upturned nose. Also, Kate still has the gun. Aaaaand...scene.

It starts raining. Castaways run around higgledy-piggledy. Kate spends some quality time with Marshal Shrap, daydreaming about her delightful post-collegiate trip to Australia. Flashback! Australia, 1875. Kate's collecting up her wages and preparing to sneak off the farm in the middle of the night when Farmer Hoggett turns on the lights. Why is she keeping her wages in a jar? "I got trust issues," Kate says. She's been there three months, and she's going to leave without saying goodbye? "I wrote you a note," Kate replies. Kate Beckinsale, Quip Machine! Farmer Hoggett notes that he hasn't pressed "Annie" about her past, assuming she was on the run from a bad relationship, but asks her to stick around and he'll drive her to the station tomorrow morning. Kate foolishly allows herself to be guilted into it. "Everyone deserves a fresh start," Farmer Hoggett adds, which is Australian for "I am about to come into a great deal of money."

Marshal Shrap's Bleeding and Groaning Emporium. Kate and the Marshal are playing a little game called How Close Can I Put My Face To His Before He Wakes Up And Tries To Strangle Me? The Marshal wins. The music goes hilariously fake-Bernard Herrmann. Jack runs in and separates them, settling the Marshal back down. He tells Kate that the Marshal is bleeding internally and running a fever of 104°. A temperature you ascertained...how? You're an endothermic savant? I guess it's possible he found a thermometer in someone's checked baggage. They stomp outside into the pouring rain for the purpose of arguing more dramatically. Kate asks if the Marshal will suffer, and Jack angrily tells her that it will take him several painful days to die. "Can't you put him out of his misery?" Kate asks, causing Jack to stomp over and tell Kate he saw her mug shot. (My attractive lawyer wife: "Look at that mouth! That is gigantic!") "I'm not a murderer," Jack declares.

Flashback. Australia, 1875. Patsy Cline plays on the truck radio as Farmer Hoggett drives her to the train station. They small-talk for a bit while Kate fails to notice the big black SUV on their tail; thankfully, Farmer Hoggett stares into the rearview mirror so that she can start to get worried. Kate realizes that Farmer Hoggett turned her in, and asks how long he's known that she committed...an unspecified crime. He says he saw her picture in the post office, on a poster that said "Wanted! For An Unspecified Crime!" A hurt Kate asks why he's turning her in and he says the reward is $23,000 (Australian, I assume, which is $16,974 in real money). "I told you when I met you, I got a hell of a mortgage," he ruefully adds. He tells her that it was a hard decision to make. The SUV pulls up alongside and Marshal Shrap, in the full flush of health, points a finger-gun at her. I was at a wedding last weekend at which one of the groomsmen flashed the finger-gun at guests all the way down the aisle during the recessional. I think maybe the finger-gun should be reserved for informal occasions, like karaoke or pickup basketball, rather than solemn, formal occasions like weddings and the ends of manhunts.

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Lost

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