Lost
Tabula Rasa

Episode Report Card
Dan Kawa: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Baby, Let Me Clean Your Slate (Until It Can't Get Any Cleaner)

Marshal Shrap's Bleeding and Groaning Emporium. Shrap wants to know what the favor was that Kate was about to ask for before the gigantic plane crash. Boy, ABC must really be worried about morons keeping up with the plot of this show, because they insert here a totally pointless one-minute rerun of Kate's flashback from the pilot. The mood in the tent, interestingly, is one of wistful old-times chumminess, rather than the homicidal rage previously exhibited when these two got together. Kate says she was going to ask that Shrap make sure Farmer Hoggett got his twenty-three grand. "The guy who ratted you out?" Shrap asks, wheezing away. "He had a hell of a mortgage," says Kate. Good Fucking Christ, makers of Lost: we get it. She's got a goddamn heart of 24-carat gold, even though she's guilty of an unspecified crime. GIVE IT A REST. But they won't give it a rest: "You really are one of a kind," notes Marshal Shrap. My turn: AAAUUUUrrrrrrghhhhhurgle. He notes that Kate would've gotten away if she hadn't taken the time to remove the farmer's artificial arm. "In case you haven't noticed," Kate says, "I did get away." "You don't look free to me," he cracks. The United States Department of Dialogue has issued the following nutritional breakdown of this scene:

76% Malarkey
9% Groans of pain
6% Coy avoidance of the specifics of Kate's crime
4% Unnecessary flashbacks
3% Exposition
2% Actual emotional or character-defining ingredients

Shrap asks Kate if he's going to die. Kate says he is. "So," he says, and this is finally an interesting moment, "are you gonna do it or what?"

Outside. Jack waits for Kate to finish her private conversation with Marshal Shrap. Hurley shows up with a delightful "Yo." He asks where Kate is, and Jack motions to the tent. At Hurley's protesting, Jack says, "What's she gonna do? She's a hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet." Also, he adds, she has a dimple in her chin, she smells of lilacs, and she has type A-positive blood. Hurley points out that she's got a gun, and Jack looks suddenly alarmed. So wait a minute: Jack seriously thought that an unarmed Kate couldn't harm a mortally wounded man who's so weak that he can barely speak? What the fuck? Walt could kill the guy at this point. Jack runs toward the tent as behind him Hurley adds, "She's strapped, man! I saw it in her, in her, in her, in her..." The term you're looking for, Hurley, is "da kine." As Jack approaches Marshal Shrap's Bleeding and Groaning Emporium, he sees Kate step out of the tent, looking pensive. And also sad. Kate looks at him just as a gun goes off in the tent. Aw, Kate gave Marshal Shrap the gun. That's, um...sweet? I guess?

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Lost

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