Bad Dad is grunting and squealing so much that Sawyer begrudgingly takes the gag out of his mouth, but tells him to keep quiet. Sawyer draws his weapon and points it at the door. He tells Locke that he has three seconds to open the door or he is going to start shooting. Locke scoffs and says that Sawyer isn't going to shoot anyone, since he obviously has no bullets for the gun. Bad Dad laughs that he didn't raise no fool. Hmm. I thought he was Bad Dad because he didn't raise him at all! Sawyer looks confused and asks Bad Dad what he means. Bad Dad explains that the bald-headed bastard out there is his son. Sawyer is perplexed, and demands to know how Bad Dad ended up on the Island. Bad Dad laughs, "You sure it's an Island?" Sawyer stares at him, and Bad Dad sighs and explains that he was in a car accident in Tallahassee, he got shoved into an ambulance, a paramedic smiled at him when he shoved the IV into his arm, and then... nothing. He woke up in a room with a gag in his mouth. Door opens, and the man he threw out an eight-story window is staring at him. That's right: his dead son, John Locke, was standing there staring at him.
Sawyer has his brow furrowed in confusion and consternation. He asks, "Locke is dead because you threw him out a window?" Bad Dad says that he didn't die from being thrown out a window; he died when his plane crashed in the middle of the Pacific. Sawyer looks relieved. He says he was on that plane too, and he's not dead. Bad Dad fills him in on the fact that they found the plane's wreckage and all the bodies. Sawyer refuses to believe that he's dead, because he's standing on an Island. Bad Dad asks again if Sawyer is sure it's an Island. Sawyer punts by asking, if it's not an Island, what is it? Bad Dad laughs that it's a little hot for heaven. Sawyer rolls his eyes, but Bad Dad says, "One minute I'm in a car wreck, the next I'm in a pirate ship in the middle of the jungle. If it's not hell, friend, where are we?" I think that was supposed to mirror Charlie's line from the first episode ever, but I don't really have the energy to parse it out, because during the last five minutes of the show, I have wandered over to my bedroom and slammed the closet door on my head about twelve times. Sawyer can't wrap his head around the whole "we're all dead" thing either, so he decides to change the subject. He wants to know why Bad Dad threw Locke out a window. Bad Dad explains that Locke was becoming a nuisance. He had conned Locke into giving him a kidney, and Locke never got over it. At the mention of a con, Sawyer starts to get suspicious. He demands to know Bad Dad's name. Bad Dad laughs, "A con man has many names." Sawyer rolls his eyes in a preachin'-to-the-choir sort of way. Bad Dad reels off a laundry list of names he has used. "Tom Sawyer" is among them. That's when Sawyer gets it. Because Sawyer is his name, too!