Lost

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Paging Dr. Freud

Kate wakes up with her arms around a shirtless Sawyer. She pulls her arm away, and he wakes up. She says she can't sleep when she's not in her own tent. Sawyer agrees to move over to her tent, but Kate want to be alone. Sawyer offers to walk her home 'cause he has to pee anyway. She and I both point out the romantic nature of that suggestion. Kate jumps out of the tent as Sawyer pulls out his gun --n o, not that one; his real gun -- and walks out of the tent. He spies Hurley and Jin (what else?) lurking outside of a tent. Sawyer asks them what the hell they're doing. They turn around, looking guilty, and Hurley, suave as always, asks him what the hell he's doing. Sawyer says he just came out to take a leak. Hurley says that's what they're doing too. Jin looks confused. Hurley is funny.

Sawyer heads about two feet from his tent. (Isn't there some adage warning against peeing where you sleep? No? Well, there should be.) He hears something in the woods and whips out his gun. No, not that one. Well, actually, both of them. He points his gun and trains it onto... Locke. Who is standing there, um, lurking in the bushes and apparently watching him take a leak. Not at all creepy, dude! Maybe if you get back to the real world, you can get a job as a bathroom attendant. At least then you can watch guys pee and get a fifty-cent tip instead of a gun pointed at your head. Plus you get a spiffy uniform. Locke is unfazed by the enormous gun pointed at him and tells Sawyer to XYZ PDQ. Which ruins my hopes of a dark-of-night romp between Locke, Sawyer, and the bushes. Sawyer zips up and then turns his razor-sharp wit on Locke. He wants to know what the hell he's doing there. Did he get bored blowing shit up and wants to come back and explain why he joined up with the Others? Locke claims he didn't join them -- he infiltrated them. Tomato, tom-ah-toe, Locke! Sawyer scoffs, "You're undercover with the Others? Why don't you give me one reason to believe that?" Locke claims that just a few hours ago he kidnapped Ben and locked him in a trunk with a ball gag in his mouth. He dragged him through the jungle so that Sawyer can kill him. Sawyer is not really interested and rebuffs the offer, telling Locke to kill him himself if he wants him dead so bad. Locke claims he's not a murderer. Sawyer says, "Neither am I." Locke replies, "Except for the man you murdered in Sydney." Sawyer is taken aback. So am I. How the hell do the Others know about the murder at the shrimp shack? It was just Sawyer and the shrimp guy. There were no witnesses! And if there were witnesses, why did the Australian police let Sawyer get on a plane bound for the States? I refuse to believe that the Others are so omniscient or have such mad information-gathering skills. And if Mikhail is such a darn good internet researcher, wouldn't he be working for ASCAP tracking down illegal downloaders or something? As Sawyer looks shocked, Locke explains that the Others have files on all of them. He calls him James, too, so Sawyer knows he's serious, but Sawyer won't give it up, and claims that They have their facts wrong. Locke says he made a mistake coming to Sawyer. He asks him not to tell anyone he was there. He walks off into the woods and Sawyer runs after him after yelling, "Stop!" a few times, to no avail.

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Lost

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