Lost

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Paging Dr. Freud

Locke wakes up in the middle of a field with people moving, packing, and generally making a lot of noise all around him. Boy, those come-ons must have been exhausting! As he watches the Others packing their tents, he realizes they're moving again. When he figures out that no one is bringing him coffee in bed, he gets up and asks Ben where they're going. Ben says he is going, but Locke and his dad are staying. Locke can't believe that Ben is leaving Bad Dad with him. Ben snaps, "He's your mess, John, why would we clean it up?" Locke sputters that they can't leave him, not after everything they've been through! What about the pins and needles? What about the long walks, the deep heartfelt conversations, what about the late-night rendezvous? He can't leave now! Ben is having none of it: "Don't tell me what I can't do, John." Little man is uppity when he's heartbroken. Locke protests, "But I thought I was special! I thought it all meant something!" Ben snorts, "Well, everyone makes mistakes." The little boiled shrimp is downright nasty when his affections aren't returned. Oh, Locke, don't you know they always leave you if you don't put out? Especially if they buy you that big lobster dinner and the bottle of pink champagne and then you refuse to unsheathe the big knife? Don't you know what that does to a boy? Ben continues his snappish streak, "We're leaving, we're taking all the office supplies, but we will leave a trail that you can track. And, John, unless you're carrying your father's body on your back, don't bother." Wow. Ben does not deal with rejection well at all. No sirree.

Back on the Black Rock, Bad Dad is realizing that something is wrong. I mean, besides the fact that he believes he is dead, in hell, and being held captive by his angry armed son. Sawyer asks if he's ever been to Jasper, Alabama. Bad Dad admits it, but won't claim paternity. Har dee har har har! Sawyer says Bad Dad isn't his daddy; Bad Dad killed his daddy. Sawyer then pulls out his letter. So, when Sawyer leaves his tent for his midnight relief, he takes his gun and his letter, but not his shoes? Huh. Bad Dad takes the letter that Sawyer hands him. He reads the first line: "Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know me but I know you... " He stops reading to ask what the letter is, but Sawyer tells him to shut up and read. Bad Dad reads about how he slept with Sawyer's mom, stole his dad's money, and how his dad killed his mother and then shot himself. He then blah blah blahs through the rest of the letter, and Sawyer gets pissed. Bad Dad figures out that Sawyer took his name on a revenge trip. Bad Dad claims it wasn't his fault -- he ran that con a dozen times with no problem! Sawyer says his mother's name was Mary. Bad Dad stops and thinks and remembers that Sawyer's mother begged him to take her $38,000 and save her from her miserable life. It wasn't his fault that his dad overreacted! Sawyer screams at Bad Dad to finish the letter. Bad Dad looks up at Sawyer and calmly tears the letter into pieces. Sawyer snaps, jumps on Bad Dad, and chokes the life out of him with the chains. It looks like a grandpa snuff film. Locke opens the door when Bad Dad's inert body drops to the floor. Sawyer is not happy. Locke says thank you. His daddy sure did raise a well-mannered boy! Ugh. Between this strangulation scene and Charlie getting shot in the throat with an arrow, I have to ask: can we please move the show back to nine o'clock so I don't have to watch this anymore? Pretty please? With sugar on top?

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Lost

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