Main Island; Glowhole: Faucke and Jack lower Desmond down nice and easy. After a while, Faucke smiles. "This remind you of anything, Jack? [...] Desmond -- going down into a hole in the ground. If there was a button down there to push, we could fight about whether or not to push it. It'd be just like old times." BLASPHEMER! Jack agrees with me. "You're not John Locke. You disrespect his memory by wearing his face, but you're nothing like him. Turns out he was right about most everything. I just wish I could have told him that while he was still alive." I wish you had believed me. Faucke lies: "He wasn't right about anything, Jack. And when this island drops into the ocean, and you drop with it, you're finally gonna realize that." Jack: "Well, we'll just have to see which one of us is right, then." Guess he shot his quotable wad on that wearing-his-face thing.
Sideways; Classical-Rock Fusion Concert: Juliet -- waiting in line with David and Claire -- is paged by the hospital. She kisses David as she makes her excuses, then addresses her new ex-sister-in-law: "We'll get to know each other better, I hope?" Claire agrees and once Juliet is gone, she links her arm in David's. "Well, I guess it's just you and me, kid." And I've been trying to hold my commentary to the end and not interpret things too much during the recap proper, but Claire is so much smaller than even Jack's Mini-Me that I can't help but feel like I'm watching Claire and Jack experience the childhood they never shared
Backstage: Charlotte wakes Charlie who -- (still) smashed and surly -- attempts to come on to this goddess. She's all whatever, wake up, you're with the band, scumbum. Charlie blurts: "I was shot by a fat man." Thankfully, Charlotte doesn't have to respond to that, because it's then that she sees Daniel. They don't have the full-on epiphany the other characters have experienced, but they stutter, stammer and can't take their eyes off one another. Since they've just shaken hands when we cut away, it's only a matter of time before the most chaste love story ever ignites -- you know, like the world's tiniest sparkler.
David and Claire join Desmond and Kate at table 23. Des is pleasantly surprised when he realizes Claire and Kate have met before. Their reunion is cut short, though, by Pierre Chang and his introduction of Mr. Daniel Widmore and Drive Shaft. We don't actually hear much classical-rock fusion. It's mostly Giacchino and I'm glad for that. Besides, Charlie is letting his bass hang limp in front of him. He's noticed Claire and is enraptured. She's intrigued by his attention, but then her labor starts. She tells her nephew she's heading to the ladies room, but Kate knows enough to follow along where she's not invited, because she's Kate. She squeezes the shoulder of her erstwhile lover's son as she follows his auntie backstage. Desmond looks like he's front row at the best sideshow ever.
Islandways: At the bottom of the waterfall, Desmond frees himself from Faucke's rope and wanders past the skeletons of those who were not so uniquely immune to electromagnetism. The cavern is full of stalactites, stalagmites and possibly fibroid tumors. The glow emanates from the center of a pool. There's an actual (stone) cork sticking out of its center. I will not call it a tampon. I will not call it a tampon. Desmond takes a deep breath and steps into the water. Smokey-esque noises start once both of his feet are submerged. The light comes in staccato bursts. He screams in pain; his nose bleeds. Up above, Faucke and Jack are riveted. Des struggles to the center and finally pops the cork; the Smokey noises diminish; the water flowing into the pool slows; the pool drains; the light dims and then goes out. Desmond, now out of the pool, looks around -- surprised he hasn't been whisked away to Happy Penny Heaven. The cavern is dark for a moment, before an eerie red glow fills the place. And then, the most awesome thing in forever happens. The unplugged glowhole morphs into TUBEY! Okay, a depressed Tubey...possibly in Darth Vader drag. Seriously. Click here and check it out.
The Tubeyhole is an extra-flamey hole. The cavern shakes. Desmond screams, "Nooooo!" Up above, Jack winces while Faucke points his finger and gloats. "It looks like...you were wrong." He rises with a smirk. "Goodbye, Jack." As he exits the cavern, he's almost done in by falling rocks, which better not be hinting at some Rocks fall; everyone dies ending. He dodges the rocks better than he dodges Jack -- who comes tearing out after him and tackles him. Jack overwhelms his nemesis and, straddling him, punches him right in the face. And what do you know -- Faucke starts to bleed from the mouth. He's mortal, now! Jack gets cocky. "Looks like you were wrong, too." He starts to choke Faucke, who grabs a nearby rock and beans Jack with it. Jack's down. Faucke grabs his backpack (which was originally Jack's right? -- why does he even want it) and takes off, leaving a stunned Jack lying on the ground. Commercial.
Sideways; Concert; Backstage: Kate finds a laboring Claire and sends some random roadie after a doctor, then gets Claire to lie down on the couch. Meanwhile, out in the audience, Eloise and her gigantic hair sit down at Desmond's table. "I thought I made it clear that you were to stop this." Des: "Perfectly clear. I chose to ignore you." Yeah Des, but that hair won't be denied. Eloise asks what will happen once "they know." Des says they're leaving. Hair Bear looks longingly at her boy, who is in the middle of the lamest concert in the world, then asks Des, "Are you going to take my son?" He gently lays his hand over hers. "Not with me, no." Goodbye, Eloise. Next time around, maybe think about giving up spoilers.
Backstage, Kate is coaching Claire, who warns her the baby is coming, now. Of course it's then that Charlie wanders backstage. Claire snarls: "WHO ARE YOU?" Charlie: "I'm with the band." Oh, dear. Kate saves his life by sending him for blankets and water and then she sets out to deliver Aaron for the second time (third if you count Sawyer's seeing her do it during the time jumps). The second time she tells Claire to push, she flashes back to Aaron's island birth. It's brief, but it's enough to bring her to tears. Claire's still laboring and crying so Kate kind of shakes it off and tells her to push again. Kate's flashback lasts much longer this time. When it's done and her epiphany is complete, a single, perfect womanly tear rolls down her cheek.
We hear Aaron cry and when Claire finally sees him, she flashes to the first time Kate handed her her newborn. Confusion and pain mingle with the joy on her face, and Kate hands Aaron right over. How frigging funny would it have been if she'd taken the baby and run? I mean, that's what Kate does, yeah? As Claire holds the baby, she cries and flashes back to his original birth. Back in the Sideways she says, "It's Aaron. It's Aaron." She breaks my heart as does The Look the two women share.
Charlie returns. "I brought a blanket." Claire and Kate realize who he is. When Kate thanks him, he already has a tear welling up underneath his right eye. "It's just a blanket." Kate: "Then go ahead and bring it to her." Charlie mutters that he couldn't find any water as he crouches by Claire's side and covers her up. When she takes his hand, the flashbacks begin. Poor hugely pregnant Claire trying to sit gracefully, that first night on the island. Imaginary peanut butter. In the present, Claire say