Lost
The Hunting Party

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Michael's Got a Gun
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Lost, Eko found his dead priest brother in the Plane of Holy Heroin and got some much-needed closure; Charlie got kicked out of the Baby Mama Hut Compound due to his unfortunate, erm, habit of carrying around a Virgin Mary full of Harry Jones; and Jack and Kate made out for approximately three hours even though Kate loves Sawyer and Sawyer loves Kate. Also, a boatload of rednecks kidnapped Walt; Michael screamed "Waaaaaaaaalllllt!" a bajillion times, both on the boat and all over the damn island; then he finally hunkered down at the Computer of Uselessness for a little Magic Eight Ball-esque conversation with his son that may or may not have actually been a conversation with one of the Others.

After the day-long previouslys are over, we catch up with Jack and drunken Dad as they peruse a series of spinal x-rays on a light board. Jack's dad seems to think that the prognosis is not good and he whispers something about a tumor and something else about how he's surprised the guy with the tumor hasn't had his spine actually fall out on the floor while he was in line at the Dairy Queen, the damage to his spine is so bad. The guy with the tumor on his back is sitting right in the room with the doctors as they whisper and gibber over the x-rays and finally he gets irritated and is all, "Uh, guys? I'M RIGHT IN THE ROOM." He does this in Italian, though, because…he's Italian. His daughter, quite the looker, translates that her father wishes they'd stop whispering because it's A) unprofessional, B) rude, and C) annoying as shit. Brokeback Papa would appreciate it if the doctors would just tell him what's up, because basically, he knows he doesn't have a chance in hell of living much longer.

Jack's dad tells them that Brokeback isn't a candidate for surgery and when the daughter's all, uh, why is that, he tells her that her dad isn't looking for surgery, he's looking for a miracle. That's when Brokeback pipes up that he didn't come here looking for Jack's dad; he came here looking for Jack, a.k.a. "The Miracle Back Healer." Brokeback's daughter brings up the miraculous job Jack did on Sarah and Jack nervously stands up, looking like, "Uh, yeah, but, um, see, she was HOT and I'm not that into your dad. Sorry." But all he says to the daughter is that he agrees with his dad about the risks and the circumstances, and the daughter just asks him if he'll try, and Jack's obviously having a God complex moment or he thinks that fixing her dad's back will make the daughter marry him or something, because he agrees to take Brokeback's case. His father looks at him like, "Dude? Fixing her dad's back won't make her marry you, you know. By the way, how's that working out for you? The whole married-to-your-patient thing? Yeah. That's what I thought. Hey, guess what time it is? It's drinkin' time! Yee-haw!"

The Swooping Jets of Flash-Forwards bring us to the present, where Jack is waking up on the bottom bunk of Dharma Central. He wearily gets up and walks through the compound and realizes that the place is empty. He calls out for Locke and gets some groaning in response. Jack follows the sound and finds Locke passed out in the gun room. Michael shows up and cocks a rifle in Jack's direction. Jack's all, uh, what the? And Michael's all, I'MGOINGAFTERMYSON. I'MGOINGAFTERMYSONYOUCAN'TSTOPME. ALSOI'MALOONEYTUNES. "You gonna shoot me, Michael?" Jack shouts. Michael seems to think about this for a minute as his eyes do the Dance of the Demented. "No!" he suddenly shouts. "But I'll shoot yer damn computer!" Uh-oh. He means business. "That thing isn't what you think it is anyway," he continues. "You don't understand, man. You don't have ANY idea!" Oh, I think he has an idea, Michael. I think he has an idea that if crazy were a kingdom, you'd be wearing a crown right about now. Jack tries to reason with Michael, telling him they'll do this together, but Michael's having none of it and he says he has to do this alone. Jack finally shuts up and Michael slams the door, taking us to the Floating Words of Lostedness.

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